Mr. Blog's Left Turn

• Stupak offers compromise - Coverage of premature ejaculation treatment could delay abortions "by as much as 6-7 minutes"

  The Michigan 1st District representative hopes to improve chances his restrictions will be in the final version of reform after reconciliation with the version that will come out of the Senate, which is about to begin floor debate... [...]
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  Posted: November 21, 2009, 10:00am EST
  by ERITAS News Service

• Palin book goes to No. 1 - "Remainders bin never this full, this fast"

  Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is a No. 1 author today, thanks to her memoir Going Rogue debuting today at the top of the remainders bin of the national retail bookstore chain Borders... [...]
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  Posted: November 17, 2009, 11:00am EST
  by ERITAS News Service

• Lou Dobbs to Univision

  "I'm sad to leave my CNN friends, but excited to be taking my campaign against multilingualism and illegal immigration straight to the source at Univision," said Dobbs, referring to viewers of the world's #1 Spanish language network. ' [...]
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  Posted: November 11, 2009, 6:15pm EST
  by ERITAS News Service

• Stupak's amendment cuts medical costs - Bars coverage for all procedures

  ...Refusing to recognize illnesses means they would no longer exist -- solidifying America's position as having the world's best medical system, and saving taxpayers trillions of dollars, Stupak said... [...]
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  Posted: November 10, 2009, 6:00am EST
  by ERITAS News Service

• Hoffman in deal for campaign memoir - Already finished with "Going Vague"

  Unsuccessful New York Republican/Conservative Party congressional candidate Doug Hoffman signed a deal late Thursday to write a memoir of his campaign experience and rise to prominence. [...]
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  Posted: November 06, 2009, 6:00am EST
  by ERITAS News Service

• Foxx moves to preempt health reform terror

  Saying America has more to fear from a government-managed health insurance option than terrorism, Congresswoman Virginia Foxx (R-NC) today introduced sweeping legislation that would place health care reform on a national terror watch list, among a host of security measures. [...]
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  Posted: November 03, 2009, 6:00am EST
  by ERITAS News Service

• Lieberman offers health reform plan - "Private option" would give Treasury to insurance companies

  ...Under Lieberman's plan, the U.S. Treasury would be transferred to a consortium of the nation's largest health insurance companies led by Wellpoint and United Health. Giving all the public's money directly to health insurance companies would lower costs by cutting out the middleman, according to Lieberman. [...]
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  Posted: November 02, 2009, 6:00am EST
  by ERITAS News Service

• Bush motivational speech - Transcript

  Good evening. Tell you what, before we start, why don't those of you in the back come and fill up some of these opens seats up front here? Come on, lots of empty seats. Okay, now I can see all your shiny faces. Good evening again, and welcome to my first' [...]
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  Posted: October 28, 2009, 9:00pm EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• (Week's Big Story) Runaway gas bag - GOP fears its future is adrift with ex-Veep

  (Oct. 22) Authorities are responding to an alarming situation today involving a report of a gas bag drifting aloft that may contain the future of the 150 year old Republican Party. A Sheriff's Office spokesman said Michael Steele placed an emergency 9/11 call after the 6 am CNN Headline News update. Steele told the operator [...]
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  Posted: October 23, 2009, 12:35pm EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Ehhhhlection '09 - Seattle Mayor

  Candidate Statements - Joe Mallahan, Mike McGinn [...]
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  Posted: October 20, 2009, 6:20am EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Health care reform would cause kitten to die - Report

  The report, commissioned by the insurance industry from accounting giant PricewaterhouseCoopers, found that competition from a public insurance option will cause a kitten to die. "The kitten is in a sealed box, which is connected to a pressure vessel containing poison gas," said Tim Birely, a vice president with the [...]
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  Posted: October 19, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Limbaugh calls for public option

  "NFL ownership is a right, not a privilege. When an Everyman like me cannot buy my way into ownership of a football team, the system needs to be reformed," said Limbaugh. "The time has come for a public option... " [...]
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  Posted: October 18, 2009, 9:20pm EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Ehhhhlection '09 - King County Executive

  Candidate Statements - Dow Constantine, Susan Hutchison [...]
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  Posted: October 16, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Cheney - Norway seeking long-range award launch capability

  Former Vice President Richard B. Cheney gave the White House some free foreign policy advice today, warning of a grave new threat to non-peace. In his first public comments since the Nobel Peace Prize attack of October 9, Cheney said [...]
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  Posted: October 13, 2009, 8:20pm EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Stupak's amendment cuts medical costs - Bars coverage for all procedures

  ...Refusing to recognize illnesses means they would no longer exist -- solidifying America's position as having the world's best medical system, and saving taxpayers trillions of dollars, Stupak said... [...]
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  Posted: October 13, 2009, 7:00am EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Candidate Statement - Seattle Port Commissioner, Pos. 1

  (Ehhhhlection '09) John Creighton. Although I am running unopposed, I felt it was necessary to explain what I have planned for my second term as a Seattle Port Commissioner. Because as your Port Commissioner, I want you to know that I am watching you. All the time... ' [...]
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  Posted: October 12, 2009, 8:00am EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Sarah Palin wins Le Bon Pizza Prize

  The world's focus shifted northward today, as the international community reacted with surprise to news that the Sitka Duran Duran Fan Club has awarded the 2009 Le Bon Pizza Prize to former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin... [...]
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  Posted: October 09, 2009, 8:50am EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Hoffman in deal for campaign memoir - Already finished with "Going Vague"

  Unsuccessful New York Republican/Conservative Party congressional candidate Doug Hoffman signed a deal late Thursday to write a memoir of his campaign experience and rise to prominence. [...]
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  Posted: October 09, 2009, 7:00am EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• GOP acts to stem closures of oriental carpet stores

  A wave of closures in the oriental carpet retail sector has provided a potent new issue for critics of President Barack Obama's economic policies. The stores, known as Oriental Carpet Dealers (OCD), offer Persian rugs, Oriental rugs, Kilims, and area carpets at unbelievable prices... [...]
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  Posted: October 08, 2009, 12:00pm EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Foxx moves to preempt health reform terror

  Saying America has more to fear from a government-managed health insurance option than terrorism, Congresswoman Virginia Foxx (R-NC) today introduced sweeping legislation that would place health care reform on a national terror watch list, among a host of security measures. [...]
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  Posted: October 06, 2009, 7:00am EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Obama failing to create Obama impersonator jobs

  New jobs figures released by the Department of Labor show a continuing upward trend in unemployment. Here with an expert commentary is Marvin Canny. --Hello, I'm Marvin Canny. Every four years our great nation renews one of our most cherished traditions. I'm speaking of our quadrennial love affair with the [...]
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  Posted: October 05, 2009, 7:15pm EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Lieberman offers health reform plan - "Private option" would give Treasury to insurance companies

  ...Under Lieberman's plan, the U.S. Treasury would be transferred to a consortium of the nation's largest health insurance companies led by Wellpoint and United Health. Giving all the public's money directly to health insurance companies would lower costs by cutting out the middleman, according to Lieberman. [...]
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  Posted: October 05, 2009, 7:00am EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• White House cheese nearly stolen after Obama leaves country - "We told you so!" say GOP

  GOP leaders on Capitol Hill are claiming vindication today upon news that the White House cheese was nearly stolen. The government announced this morning that an intruder had gained access to the Cheese Room, but that the historic Jefferson Dairy Case had not been breached. Republicans had predicted trouble if President Obama went to [...]
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  Posted: October 02, 2009, 4:15pm EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Ehhhhlection '09 - Seattle City Council, Pos. 6

  Candidate Statements - Nick Licata, Jessie Israel. [...]
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  Posted: October 01, 2009, 10:45am EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Glenn Beck gets key to city - Transcript

  Thank you Mayor Norris, Walker Texas Ranger is my favorite show ever. Hello ladies, gentlemen and fans... [...]
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  Posted: September 27, 2009, 1:00pm EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Fall TV - Creation Science Fiction Channel has faith in lineup

  While other networks are scaling back with reality programming and even Jay Leno in prime time, one television operation is sticking to its formula. The Creation Science Fiction Channel's new fall season is replete with moves that show it is keeping to its extremely conservative programming strategy. [...]
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  Posted: September 22, 2009, 6:20pm EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Ask An Ex-Governor by Sarah Palin - Late summer travel tips

  Dear Ex-Governor, With the kids away at college, the wife and I are thinking about taking a little vacation. Has the dollar rebounded enough to [...]
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  Posted: September 18, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Zaidi regrets throwing shoes at Bush - "I should have just shouted 'you lie'"

  "I'm sorry," Muntader al-Zaidi told a gathering of reporters at the al-Baghdadia television studio, and added, "that America had such a satanic warmongering leader for eight years." A reporter for al-Baghdadia who was covering the Dec. 14, 2008 press conference... ' [...]
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  Posted: September 15, 2009, 6:30pm EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• 9-12ers decry liberal media - Want fear, end to Michael Moore movie marathons

  The marchers, who call themselves "9-12ers," said they want to remind Americans of the confusion, fear and anger they felt the morning of September 12, 2001. Many said the confusion, fear and anger that served as the basis of Bush Administration policy should continue to determine national policy, and hoped [...]
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  Posted: September 13, 2009, 1:50pm EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Obama speaks to half-empty Congress - Absent members had notes from parents

  "Not every committee hearing you attend may be interesting. Every bill you work on may not seem relevant to your life. But the work you do here this year will help enact real health reform for the American people," Obama said. [...]
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  Posted: September 10, 2009, 9:00pm EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Glenn Beck's inner child freed after 18 year ordeal - Captive in hidden region of right hemisphere

  The mystery around the disappearance of Glenn Beck's sanity was solved yesterday, when his inner child was freed from the makeshift prison behind a house in Escher, Washington, where he had been held captive for the past 18 years. Authorities went to the ramshackle home early Friday, after receiving reports of [...]
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  Posted: September 05, 2009, 10:30am EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Beck claims Americorps will be Obama's Starfleet - President "going to have his own red shirts"

  Beck said a recent Senate measure on Americorps "basically indoctrinates your child into service in Starfleet, a peacekeeping and humanitarian armada, through the Federation Council." [...]
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  Posted: September 02, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Fearful lawmakers cancel health forums - Pro-reform crowds armed with facts

  This time it is Republican members doing the canceling, citing concerns over attendance by potentially armed citizens. "Last weekend a number of my colleagues reported their meetings being disrupted by polite people armed with facts," said Rep. Heath Lackey, a [...]
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  Posted: September 01, 2009, 4:15pm EDT
  by ERITAS News Service

• Health debate a boon for kids TV - Nickelodeon to spend lobbyist millions on more blue dog episodes

  ..."The memo lines on all the checks specified 'for the blue dogs,' so we decided to order three more seasons of Blues Clues," said Cindi Cation, Nickelodeon director of non-Sponge Bob programming. [...]
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  Posted: August 28, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• FDA recalls Republican Party - Contaminated by nuts

  The Food and Drug Administration has ordered a nationwide recall on the Republican Party after tests revealed the party to be contaminated by nuts. The agency took the unprecedented step after the GOP refused to issue a voluntary recall. [...]
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  Posted: August 25, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Seattle green monster sent into ocean - Gregzilla rampage ended by plastic shopping bags

  The enormous mutant reptile awakened by sustainable energy has unexpectedly left Seattle after an eight year rampage. Gregzilla was last seen disappearing below the surface of Puget Sound off Alki Beach. Gregzilla left after Tuesday's bloodbath involving a pitched battle with two newly arrived mutant monsters, bike-riding moth McGinnthra and Mallamar, [...]
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  Posted: August 21, 2009, 10:15am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Conservatives have rally safety concerns - Alarmed at cam-toting liberals

  Conservative protesters are feeling threatened by pro-health insurance reform liberals who are coming to congressional and presidential town hall meetings with holstered video cameras strapped to their hips. So says an organizer of the anti-health insurance protesters who march outside the public forums. "It sends the wrong message in our" [...]
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  Posted: August 19, 2009, 8:45am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Obama health plan points the way - Now entire government could become co-ops

  Only days after signaling it is willing to drop a public option from a health care reform package, the Obama administration is indicating that it is willing to end the public option for the entire federal government as well. "If moving away from public options is how things are going to" [...]
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  Posted: August 18, 2009, 10:15am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Madoff escape plan foiled - Oversold tunnel shares

  An escape plot by Bernard Madoff has been foiled when the disgraced financier was turned in by a disgruntled accomplice, federal corrections officials report. [...]
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  Posted: August 17, 2009, 10:15am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Conservatives oppose forcible health - "Save our freedom to be sick"

  (Upland, CA) Members of Congress from coast to coast are having their eyes opened this week, as they hear from constituents opposed to health care reform. "We're speaking out to save our freedom to be sick," said Dee Fibrilasian, one of many self-described 'sickers' -- people who believe illness is a' [...]
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  Posted: August 11, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Limbaugh changes show name - Now "The E.D. Show"

  Conservative talk radio host Rush Limbaugh has changed the name of his program, the latest shot in a continuing battle with progressive radio host Ed Schultz. Limbaugh told his national radio audience this morning that the program will now be called The E.D. Show, a poke at the title of Schultz's' [...]
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  Posted: August 10, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Dear Leader by Kim Jong Il

  Party is our raison d'etre here in the Glorious Democratic People's North. Party all day, party all night, party like it's 1999 -- you bet. I think your philosopher Eddie Murphy said it best: "My girl likes to party all the time. Party all the time. Party all the time." ' [...]
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  Posted: August 06, 2009, 10:20am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• GOP votes to dump mascot - "Elephant is not from America"

  The seven-member committee, led by Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (MN-6), took the unprecedented step today in response to rising sensitivity within GOP ranks about things really being from America. "We have done a great investigation into the question, and quite simply the elephant is not from America," [...]
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  Posted: August 03, 2009, 9:20am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• James Donaldson - Head and shoulders above the other candidates

  ..."I have the best chance of being a top-shelf mayor -- I've been reaching for things on the top shelf since puberty," said the 7 foot two inch tall ex-Supersonic center. ' [...]
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  Posted: July 29, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• NASA honors Bachmann

  NASA announced today it is bestowing its highest civilian honor upon Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) in recognition of the assistance she gave the International Space Station over the weekend. [...]
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  Posted: July 27, 2009, 12:40am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• INSURANCE LOBBY SHOOTS PUBLIC OPTION - $170M smoking gun found at scene

  The public option was shot by the health insurance lobby today at the U.S. Capitol, in full view of shocked, shocked representatives and senators. Activity on the capitol campus was halted for hours, although no one noticed any difference. [...]
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  Posted: July 23, 2009, 9:40am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Bachmann fills out practice Census form

  Controversy surrounding the U.S. Census eased somewhat today, after the agency's chief critic, Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN), filled out a practice Census form... [...]
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  Posted: July 20, 2009, 4:50pm EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Ask An Ex-Governor by Sarah Palin - Oppose French-style medicine

  Dear Ex-Governor, I'm vaguely apprehensive of the public option. What should I know in order to spread irrational fear about it? Signed, Congressman Rick Larsen (D?-WA) ' [...]
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  Posted: July 16, 2009, 7:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Everyone loves a circus!

  The nation's capital took a break from the hard work of governance today, as the Republican Brothers and Boehner & Flailing brought their three-ring media circus to town. An excited crowd filled the darkened Senate Judiciary Committee chamber this morning. Senator Jim Bunting got so excited he ' [...]
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  Posted: July 14, 2009, 9:15pm EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• GOP gains health care ally - Mafia cites experience with "socialized protection"

  Congressional Republicans got a boost today in their battle against President Obama's work on health care reform -- and from a surprising source. ... "All we is saying is, give competition a chance," said Luigi Mezzosoprano, MOB spokesman. [...]
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  Posted: July 08, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Palin and Sanford elope

  Former GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin announced Friday she is resigning as Alaska Governor in order to become first lady of South Carolina, shocking the political world today as well as providing an explanation for another gubernatorial bruhaha. [...]
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  Posted: July 03, 2009, 6:00pm EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Drago to retire - Next stop, puttering around Mayor's Office?

  Seattle City Council member Jan Drago announced today that she will retire rather than seek an unprecedented forty-first term. [...]
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  Posted: July 02, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Sanford announces 2012 run - "No time left for adultery"

  Pleading with reporters to "keep an eye me," Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina today announced that he is ready to take responsibility for having an extra-marital affair by running for the 2012 Republican nomination for president. Sanford follows in a tradition of Republicans who atone for personal or professional [...]
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  Posted: June 29, 2009, 5:20pm EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Mousavi disqualified over semi-nude photos

  The streets of Tehran are clear of demonstrators this morning, as opponents of president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad absorb Wednesday's shocking news: opposition presidential candidate Mir Hossein Mousavi has been disqualified after publication of semi-nude photos. Iran's ruling Guardian Council announced Mousavi's disqualification mere hours after the [...]
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  Posted: June 25, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• An Elizabeth takes exception to nickname

  Miss Elizabeth Bennet Longbourn Dear Miss Elizabeth, You will permit me to express the enormity of the rapture I feel owing to your acceptance of me last evening. In my mind's eye I am content to envision us ensconced at Pemberley. You, a vision in [...]
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  Posted: June 21, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• "Obama is a frog" - Grabbed fly with his tongue, patriots claim

  Muslim. No birth certificate. Communist. Terrorist. Coke-using homosexual. These and other claims about President Barack Obama have circulated since last year through email, the internet, word of mouth and even in the mainstream media. Now an obscure group of self-described patriots says recent news video footage is confirmation of what [...]
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  Posted: June 18, 2009, 5:20pm EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Baked Alaskan by Todd Palin - Where's MY apology?

  It's been a tough week for Family Palin. But we were finally able to put one in the win column now that Willow finally got her apology from Dave Letterman. I found out what happened when I got back yesterday from my annual baby whale hunting trip. [...]
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  Posted: June 17, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Nickelsville moves to 4th & James - Unused city land "perfect" for homeless camp

  (Photo) After years of being hustled from site to site in an almost endless game of musical chairs, Nickelsville, the Seattle encampment for the homeless, thinks it has finally found a long-term home. [...]
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  Posted: June 15, 2009, 12:01am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Opposition to bringing detainees to U.S. - Domestic terrorists against cheap imports

  A leading interest group today announced its opposition to President Obama's plan to bring suspected terrorists housed at Guantanamo Bay to the U.S. for trial. The group, Theocracy Economics for America - Buy A Gun (T.E.A.-B.A.G.), said bringing detainees to U.S. soil threatens the livelihoods of domestic terrorists. Riley C. O'Yote, spokesperson' [...]
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  Posted: June 09, 2009, 3:40pm EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Supreme Court won't review Don't Ask, Don't Tell - "Works fine for us," justices say

  "the last thing I want to have to worry about is what another justice is doing under his robe," Assoc. Justice Scalia stated. "In fact, the reason we wear shapeless robes to begin with is to detract from the rampant sensuality that would otherwise distract this court from its constitutional duties," [...]
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  Posted: June 08, 2009, 11:23am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Rumsfeld on waterboarding - US was keeping detainees well-hydrated

  In a surprising break with other former Bush Administration officials, former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said today that waterboarding was not used to torture prisoners at the US facility at Guantanamo Bay. "Our critics have it totally wrong. My stars, waterboarding would be illegal. The way we put pressure on terror" [...]
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  Posted: June 04, 2009, 7:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Kansas joins big leagues - Wins coveted Taliban franchise

  Boosters in Kansas are celebrating today, upon news the Great Plains state has secured a professional Taliban franchise. Eager Taliban fans directed celebratory Sunday morning gunfire at Wichita's Reformation Lutheran Church, killing Dr. George Tiller MD, a provider of abortion services [...]
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  Posted: June 01, 2009, 1:05am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Incredible Kim Jong-Hulk conducts successful gamma radiation test

  North Korea faced international condemnation today following the announcement it had conducted a nuclear test. The official North Korean press agency termed the test "mostly successful, producing gamma radiation for our Dear Leader's continuing efforts to push back the frontiers of science." In an exclusive interview with the Pyongyang Inquisitor [...]
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  Posted: May 26, 2009, 12:50am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Doctors shrink Cheney swelling - Preparation H treatment makes ex-VP less of an asshole

  Former Vice President Dick Cheney is resting comfortably in a Washington D.C. hospital this afternoon, hours after undergoing emergency treatment for being an asshole. Cheney was delivering a televised rebuttal of President Obama's statement on policy toward terror detainees at Guantanamo Bay, when onlookers noticed Cheney was experiencing swelling. Sandra Betacam, a [...]
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  Posted: May 21, 2009, 3:00pm EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• GOP rebrands Dems as "Democrat Hussein Oparty"

  The Republican National Committee today approved a resolution renaming the Democratic Party the 'Democrat Hussein Oparty.' The unanimous vote occurred during a special GOP conference. One Republican said the name change has a precedent. "Democrats used to be called the Democratic-Republicans. But they started becoming un-American in 1844, when they dropped" [...]
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  Posted: May 18, 2009, 9:40am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW and Center for Secular Humorism

• Bag of hammers enters mayoral race - Gives self $200,000 Home Depot gift card

  Declaring it is time for a change in leadership, a bag of hammers today announced his candidacy for the office of mayor of Seattle. "It's not that Mayor Greg Nickels has bad objectives, I'm just saying how he proposes to achieve them is all wrong," the bag of hammers told supporters' [...]
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  Posted: May 15, 2009, 10:45am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• No more GOP big tent - Can't find claim check for REI repair counter

  RNC chairman Michael Steele announced today that his party will no longer use a big tent approach to rebuild its electoral base. Steele explained that he had decided to abandon the big tent at its current location, the gear repair counter at the REI store in Fairfax, Virginia. "There was a" [...]
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  Posted: May 12, 2009, 7:30am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Star Trek film "an insult to Iran" - Praetor Ahmadinejad criticizes inaccuracies

  Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has called the new Paramount Pictures movie "Star Trek" historically inaccurate and an insult to Iran, and urged moviegoers to stay away from the J.J. Abrams-helmed sci-fi adventure. It is the first U.S.-Iran motion picture crisis since Ahmadinejad's negative review of "300" (Warner Bros., 2006) [...]
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  Posted: May 08, 2009, 9:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Big Three's Company - Car makers cut costs, move into small Santa Monica apartment

  GM, Ford and Chrysler have agreed to terms with the government under which the troubled "Big Three" automobile manufacturers would restructure in order to qualify for billions in federal assistance... Nardelli said his company will partner with Italy's Fiat, giving Chrysler access to the investment funds of certain Sicilian family businesses. [...]
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  Posted: May 04, 2009, 8:45am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Bush comments on 100 Days report card - Transcript

  Hello, this is former President George Dubya Bush. Please, hold your applause. The start of a president's admenstruation sets the tone for his entire term in office. So it's impordant that the Commander in Chief, the Numero Uno, has a good report card for the first hunderd days. That's why when [...]
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  Posted: April 30, 2009, 9:30am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Cheney wants to be swine flu czar - Will torture pigs to uncover plots

  "Let's be frank here. The homeland is under threat," warned Cheney. "The swine flu threat is invisible, and fortunately I have lots of experience with invisible threats. Based on my experience, the only way to nip this swine flu threat in the bud is to round up as many pigs as" [...]
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  Posted: April 28, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Legislature averts budget disaster - Almost forgot to fuck education

  The Washington Legislature reached an accord on state's 2009-2011 budget yesterday, after House and Senate negotiators realized that they had forgotten to fuck public education. The last minute discovery gave lawmakers the means to approve $4.3 billion to fund the deep-bore tunnel replacement for Seattle's Alaskan Way Viaduct. "We caught it just" [...]
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  Posted: April 23, 2009, 9:45am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Somali pirate is judged - Musi impresses Simon Callow with song from Penzance

  Somali pirate Abduhl Wali-i-Musi is winning acclaim Tuesday for his performance of a song from Gilbert and Sullivan's The Pirates of Penzance. Attired in a blue jumpsuit and chains, Musi was smiling but clearly nervous. The thin outlaw's unlikely appearance drew snickers, smirks and eyerolls from spectators in the courtroom. [...]
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  Posted: April 21, 2009, 12:30pm EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Obama picks Bob Barker to host "Truth and No Consequences"

  Bipartisanship broke out in the nation's capital today, as the White House and congressional Republicans jointly announced that television legend Bob Barker will host "Truth and No Consequences" on C-SPAN2, Wednesdays at 9pm ET. It would be the first government whitewash for Barker, 86, who [...]
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  Posted: April 17, 2009, 12:35am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Tea Partiers Fight for Liberty - Demand cuts to crusts of cucumber sandwiches

  ...Brevard P. Ditto of Gatlinburg, TN, organized a tea party in his neighborhood. Ditto said he wanted to send a message to Big Government: "I oppose taxation without representation for the millions of Americans like me who aren't registered to vote," said Ditto. Ditto toasted the occasion with a delicate' [...]
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  Posted: April 15, 2009, 12:00pm EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Conservatives rattled when saber stays sheathed

  Armchair diplomats across America were disappointed yesterday, when the official Saber Of The United States was not used in the rescue of ship Captain Richard Phillips. "It was the most boring match-up I've ever seen," said Rush Limbaugh, who had been promoting the event as Sooper Dooper Sunday. "Three lousy sniper shots,'" [...]
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  Posted: April 15, 2009, 9:30am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Conservatives rattled when saber stays sheathed

  Armchair diplomats across America were disappointed yesterday, when the official Saber Of The United States was not used in the rescue of ship Captain Richard Phillips. "It was the most boring match-up I've ever seen," said Rush Limbaugh, who had been promoting the event as Sooper Dooper Sunday. "Three lousy sniper shots,'" [...]
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  Posted: April 13, 2009, 9:30am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• GOP to fight crime with deregulation

  Responding to ongoing public outrage, Congressional Republicans today introduced a major new law enforcement proposal. "We're putting criminals on notice -- watch your backs, we're cutting federal, state and local crime regulations and unleashing the power of the market" [...]
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  Posted: April 08, 2009, 8:30am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• GOP to fight crime with deregulation

  Responding to ongoing public outrage, Congressional Republicans today introduced a major new law enforcement proposal. "We're putting criminals on notice -- watch your backs, we're cutting federal, state and local crime regulations and unleashing the power of the market" [...]
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  Posted: April 08, 2009, 8:30am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Dear Leader by Kim Jong Il

  Dear Leader, I am writing about your preparations for launching a satellite into Earth orbit. We in the U.S. are supportive of advancement and innovation in the field of science and the peaceful exploitation of space. However, we are concerned that some of your peaceful uranium could find its way [...]
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  Posted: April 04, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• OUR ALIEN OVERLORDS CANCEL EARTH MONTH - Humans will adapt to conserve environment of planet Xerkon VI

  Saying environmental damage by the human race is too big to overcome, our alien overlords from Xerkon VI have made the decision to declare Earth a total loss, the Xerkonian Embassy In Orbit announced today. A $100 trillion environmental bailout package that had been expected to be rolled out today has [...]
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  Posted: April 01, 2009, 6:45am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• England hosts G20 Swap Meet

  The world wide financial collapse is likely to be near the top of the agenda tomorrow, when officials of the G20 national economies meet in London for their annual summit. But more than in any prior year, the annual meeting's swap meet pavilion is expected to offer G20 attendees a bonanza [...]
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  Posted: March 30, 2009, 8:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Bachmann urges revolution - Has personally reached 25 RPM

  Congresswoman Michele Bachmann advocated revolution today, giving her endorsement to a little known fitness craze known as centrifugal exercise. Bachmann, who represents the area around Stillwater, a pleasant Minneapolis suburb famed for its tangerine trees and marmalade skies, said she first experienced revolution as a child [...]
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  Posted: March 27, 2009, 7:15pm EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Geithner looks to Hollywood for help - New letter-ratings system for financial products

  Countering criticism that the Obama economic team is out of touch, Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner issued new protocols today affecting investor services companies. Beginning May 1, investments and government bonds will be assigned risk ratings of G, PG, R, NC-17 or X [...]
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  Posted: March 26, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Obama backs Geithner - Denies Robbie The Robot being groomed for Treasury

  President Obama told a national TV audience that he has full confidence in Secretary Tim Geithner... "If he were to submit his resignation, I'd tell him 'sorry buddy, but you've got the job until it kills you and the critics are picking the flesh from your bones'," Obama told Seals [...]
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  Posted: March 24, 2009, 7:20am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Feds issue salmonella recall alert - Tainted corporate bonuses being returned

  Anxious executives of insurance giant American International Group are turning in millions of dollars in bonuses today following last weekend's issuance of a federal recall on the bonuses, citing danger of salmonella contamination. Salmonella is an infection that can be contracted from poorly washed or laundered money. Contamination affects the money [...]
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  Posted: March 23, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• "AIG!" becomes official shriek of Peanuts

  Desperate to repair its sinking image in the face of public outrage over $160 million in executive bonuses, AIG announced today it has negotiated a marketing agreement in which the troubled insurance giant will align its troubled brand with that of the beloved Peanuts comics characters. The deal is worth [...]
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  Posted: March 18, 2009, 6:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Cheney to be lobbyist for Evil - Joins firm of Torquemada Hitler Gonzales

  Not one to fade quietly into retirement, former Vice President Dick Cheney has joined an evil lobbying firm. Cheney told reporters today that he has accepted a partnership with Torquemada Hitler Gonzales, a new K Street lobbying firm that includes former Attorney General Alberto [...]
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  Posted: March 17, 2009, 7:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Bachmann to host "America's Next Top Michael Steele" - FOX News launches 'Unreality TV' genre

  (Hollywood) Politically conservative television watchers will be able to participate in choosing a new leader of the Republican Party, when "America's Next Top Michael Steele" debuts on the FOX News Channel. The network announced today that Congresswoman Michele Bachmann will host the show, [...]
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  Posted: March 12, 2009, 8:00am EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Chinese harrass Navy ship - Pursuers offered to love USNS Impeccable "long time"

  Pentagon spokeswoman Rear Admiral Gloria Allred said the USNS Impeccable was in international waters when it received unwelcome advances from the five Chinese ships. "Our ship was going about its work in a professional manner. Suddenly the Chinese ships appeared, started chasing the Impeccable like it was a Benny Hill" [...]
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  Posted: March 09, 2009, 1:00pm EDT
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Win for animal rights - CNBC reporters will run at Pamplona instead

  Animal rights activists are celebrating today, upon news that the city of Pamplona, Spain will bar bulls from running in the annual San Fermin festival encierro, or the running of the bulls [...]
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  Posted: March 05, 2009, 7:30am EST
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Limbaugh gets another apology - Bachmann sorry she called Steele "da man"

  Broadcaster and de facto Republican Party leader Rush Limbaugh has netted another apology to add to his growing collection of mea culpas from important people who have slighted him in the media. Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) went before reporters today in Washington, DC, and officially withdrew GOP Chairman Michael Steele's title [...]
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  Posted: March 04, 2009, 1:00pm EST
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Seattle mayor softens image - Nickels wearing 'collar-cam' for reelection campaign

  Seattle mayor Greg Nickels surprised city hall watchers yesterday by appearing in public wearing a "collar-cam," a small digital camera that takes a photo every 120 seconds that was originally designed for cats. Nickels, visiting an oyster-tasting festival on the Seattle waterfront Monday [...]
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  Posted: March 03, 2009, 9:45am EST
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Sen. Vitter named First Dog - good on-leash, doesn't shed

  The dog that President and Mrs. Obama promised to daughters Malia and Sasha during last year's election campaign has been chosen. White House sources say the First Family has nominated Senator David Vitter. Vitter, a Louisiana Republican, will [...]
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  Posted: February 26, 2009, 12:01am EST
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• "Gee whiz, ain't America neat-o?" Jindal tells America - Transcript

  This evening Gov. Bobby Jindal gave the Republican Party's response to President Barack Obama's Message to Congress. "Good evening. I'm Gov. Bobby Jindal of Louisiana, and gee whiz -- ain't America neat-o? ..." [...]
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  Posted: February 25, 2009, 10:00pm EST
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Bush Named Goodwill Ambassador - Ex-prez called "perfect symbol of post-prosperity America"

  Former President George W. Bush has completed his transition to private life -- by returning to public service as a Goodwill Ambassador, literally. The well known used-goods retailer, which also provides training, employment and a host of services to the disadvantaged and physically and developmentally challenged, will provide those services [...]
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  Posted: February 23, 2009, 12:05am EST
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Economists mull T.A.R.P. improvements B.L.A.C.K. S.H.R.O.U.D. is leading solution for economy

  A group of influential economists are calling for improvements to the Troubled Assets Relief Program. "What we're looking for is T.A.R.P. 2.0, the next generation. It calls for a thorough problem identification, objective analysis of options, a comprehensive attack on the causes as well as symptoms and, above all, a'" [...]
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  Posted: February 14, 2009, 9:40am EST
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Economists mull T.A.R.P. improvements - B.L.A.C.K. S.H.R.O.U.D. is leading solution for economy

  A group of influential economists are calling for improvements to the Troubled Assets Relief Program. "What we're looking for is T.A.R.P. 2.0, the next generation. It calls for a thorough problem identification, objective analysis of options, a comprehensive attack on the causes as well as symptoms and, above all, a'" [...]
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  Posted: February 14, 2009, 9:40am EST
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• House OKs Presidents Day Asterisk - Bill excludes George W. Bush from holiday

  The amendment requires that all mentions of Presidents Day in news media, advertising and official government information must be followed by an asterisk,and the footnote "Does Not Include George W. Bush." "Not honoring George W. Bush on President's Day is an immediate economic stimulus," said amendment co-sponsor Rep. Willard Frandle [...]
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  Posted: February 13, 2009, 1:20pm EST
  by Wiseline Institute NW

• Happy Birthday, Darwin

  Evolved beings today are celebrating the 200th birthday of Charles Darwin, the 19th century naturalist responsible for the theory that all life developed through natural selection, leading to the modern Jesus Fish Logo and Fish With Legs Logo industries. [...]
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  Posted: February 12, 2009, 12:30pm EST
  by Wiseline Institute NW