They gather under the already ominously warm glow of a Florida dawn. GOODMAN TEBOW appoaches with GOODMAN URBAN in full Pilgrim gear. CHIEF BOW-DEN and his assistant JIM-BO await them.
GOODMAN URBAN: I bring you greetings and the gift of blankets, Chief Bow-den.
JIM-BO: I’ll take those. My kids [...]
We’re taking to the road today for Thanksgiving, and wish you safe travels and easy access to someone with a stomach pump and quick scalpel should you begin to bloat after the gorging on Thursday. Posting will be sporadic over the next few days, but there will be some requisite [...]
PETA really is onto something here: a robotic mascot prevents so many of the issues confronting universities who use live mascots while providing opportunities live mascots can never offer.
For instance:
Beer tap. Handy in all seasons, and retractable for encounters with the churchy types. [...]
15-20 Michigan State players “stormed” a dorm at the campus of Michigan State University in an incident Sunday night, according to wire reports. The players hit women and men alike in the assault, so let it be shown that while there might be some tenuous link between domestic [...]
There’s so much to offload from the weekend’s bushel of observations and associated halllucinations. Like this, for example:
Kiffin said he was “pretty excited,” which is good to know for future UT players within arm’s reach of him during critical points in games. Those around Ed Orgeron’s celebrations [...]
Saturday’s “Mangino movitationals” Twitter thread was the toast of the internet, no? And just in time for holiday shoppers, we’ve put together some high-quality, heartstring-rending prints — the perfect gift for the beleaguered tyrant in all our lives.
[...]
It was Nolte and you know it. Jimmy Clausen did get “sucker-punched” outside C.J.’s in South Bend Saturday night, leaving him with a black eye that likely won’t affect his playing time against Stanford. No one seems to know who punched him, but our sources point [...]
The Alphabetical is up over at SB Nation, and includes references to breakway former Soviet Republics, Ohio State’s accidental scoring against Michigan, and this exemplary sign:
(HT: College Game Balls.)
Also required reading on any Monday is This Week in Schadenfreude, Brian’s rundown [...]
The Alphabetical is in edits, and should be up shortly. As our usual apology for time mismanagement, please accept this picture of Mike Gundy on the set of Heavy Metal Parking Lot.
Livin. After midnight. Rocking. To the Dawn. Lovin. Til the Morning. And [...]
Hizzoner The Urbzness is, in fine wiggle-roomful coachspeek (of course), disavowing the Notre Dame job. Please consider this your open thread to crow for one side or the other, and to report back from what we’re sure will be many eventful and educational forays into this horrorshow over [...]
We’re spending the morning trying to think of a word starting with “X” and some half-assed way to tie it to something that happened this weekend in college football, but a quick note of great interest. When you hear it, we think some people should be very careful about [...]
It’s like that now. Lane Kiffin did this accidentally.
Lane Kiffin is full of Super Mario Star Power at the moment, having topped Vandy after a dodgy start on Saturday and today receiving the news of Janzen Jackson’s charges in the Great Filling [...]
The weekend’s agenda: (Universal TV schedule is here.)
ORSON (ATL)
Ohio State @Michigan
Florida International @ Florida
Oklahoma @ Texas Tech
LSU @ Mississippi
Penn State @ Michigan State
Virginia @ Clemson
Kentucky @ Georgia
Cal @ Stanford
Kansas @ Texas
Oregon @ Arizona
HOLLY (Athens)
Ohio State @ Michigan
Duke [...]
This week’s crop of picks covers a week so sparse and uninviting lichen might turn its most noselike organelles up at it. Thus, we return to the quiet, spare austerity of Japan’s ancient poetry form, the haiku, to express our emotions regarding week 12’s slate…which is mostly, like the majority [...]
We’ve been shy on liveblogs this year because of travel schedules, life in general, and the big Yahoo liveblog running on the Thursday night game. When they do happen, we tend to announce them about three seconds ahead of time, and recruit our comment militia on an ad hoc basis [...]
By percentages, you don’t have a dog in the fight in the Michigan/Ohio State game, but no one leans on the rape stand and watches a bitter contest like this with the aloof demeanor of a neutral bystander. You get in there, but up into the crowd, and sidle up [...]
It’s like that now. Because it is Friday, and it is Atlanta, and you need to get the hump out of your back now:
They’re not often quotable, but when they are d-linemen are the most quotatious. Gerald McCoy, Oklahoma defensive line behemoth, has the ideal [...]
ATHENS, AP–Uga VII, the bulldog mascot of the University of Georgia, has died after being shot over a disputed poker match on Thursday afternoon. He was pronounced dead on the scene.
Exclusive footage of the scene has been obtained by EDSBS.com. Uga is seen here in the lower portion [...]
Welcome to our Factor Five Five Factor Preview of Colorado at Oklahoma State. The Factor Five Five Factor Preview examines the Thursday Night Game, the matinee where you get to feel the pre-boob and perhaps side boob of the college football week, but are thwarted when you go for anything [...]
The BCS has a Facebook page and a Twitter feed, too. They can block you on the Facebook side, but making the tweets private is a dicey proposition for someone who is supposed to be engaging the public in forming positive framings of the BCS and reinforcing the [...]
If you’re looking for fun this weekend, this would be as good a time as any to go to Ole Miss, since the local chapter of the Ku Klux Klan plans on showing up to the game to protest the removal of “From Dixie [...]
Dollar Bill Doug comes off going Full Costanza with his best results of the year last week, and hopes to continue the hotness into a late season streak bringing him closer to .500. Or .300. Or…he’s building towards next year, people, and it’s important to get some game experience under [...]
Take a bow, Woody. From his comfortable, scarlet and gray bungalow in hell (”Heaven: too effeminate for my liking. Schembechler loves the place. Pansy.”) Woody Hayes gets the necessary salute this morning, both for dotting the I in a smashing pair of grey slacks, but also for [...]
The Auburn Tigers were last seen racing to a barely contested 14-0 lead against Georgia last Saturday night, then frittering it away and leaving Athens with a 31-24 loss. Evidently, though, a lead isn’t the only thing Auburn’s players can’t hold in Sanford Stadium:
Football used to be so much more…fatal. Frank Deford dusts off the fine year of 1905, when some 26 people were killed playing football in the era of the flying wedge, the legal shiv-block, and the “Paddy McDuffin” offense*, which was all the rage in its day.
This video has been made private. Harumphs to you, rappers of Eugene. In the meantime, you can always just go watch Justin Trattou make it rain in Columbia.
UPDATE TO UPDATE: Thanks to the gents at Duck Sports, it’s back up.
Yes, this happened:
Dollar signs. He’s going to Venus. He’s leaving today (or at the end of the season.)
Now that Mark Mangino can now be mocked not for his weight but instead for his serious anger management problem, the digging into the “pattern of behavior” has begun and yielded [...]
Courage Wolf suggests you listen to EDSBS Live tonight and join us as we make chicken salad from the chicken shit that is week 12. 9:00 p.m. is when we put on what some people call a basketball hoop, and we call a cockring. [...]
Luchini fever has clearly broken out among the Vols, who have both engaged in heistin’ merchandise and gunnin’ (of the pellet variety) this week.
Next up in the revival: the heistin’ merchandise portion.
Freshman safety Nyshier Oliver was arrested on November 7 and charged with shoplifting at a department [...]
A brief review of the most persistent adwhoring in the commercial landscape for college football this year to date.
Bergwood and Ham/Vincent/Lyingbastardface we don’t even know anymore. I don’t even know who you are anymore, Bergwood and Ham. Or should we call you…Vincent, your real name, Mr. Dick Whitman-I-Blew-Up-A-Guy-In-Iraq-and-took-his-name? That [...]
Mark Mangino is the subject of an internal review by the athletic director at Kansas. This does not mean a literal survey, as in a miniature submarine deployed into his bloodstream to properly assess his health, anatomy, and the actual size of Mangino himself. There is [...]
Sometimes all you really do on gameday is nothing in particular, which is precisely why this video contains little more than lounging, blinding sunlight, idling around Athens, and asking a nice lady about her Dorito Salad. You heard us: Dorito Salad, bitches. DEAL WITH THAT.
A few observations on [...]
Please, no one got shot in the leg. It is Ohio State/Michigan week, the second most intense rivalry on the boards this week in the college football slate. The first is Florida/Florida International. (Those uppity internacionalistas!) On Our Honor Defend is locked and loaded despite the game [...]
Jimbo Slice says this is how a lawya eat, and you best get over to the Alphabetical. This week’s topic include the metaphorical relationship between lobsters and USC, the Simpsons Completion Theorem, the Michigan fanbase doing it to themselves, they do, and that’s what really hurts, [...]
The Alphabetical will be along smartly, but in the meantime: per Mandel, Nu’Keese Richardson and and Michael Edwards have been booted from the team. Janzen Jackson, who allegedly had no involvement in the robbery and was inside the gas station at the time of the robbery, is still on [...]
We’re glad you understand this, Mr. Black. Coming off another workmanlike 2009 victory, Florida may now only marvel at the glorious work done by its defense in saving Florida’s collective ass again on second hand video on Youtube, since the SEC still fails to understand that embeddable [...]
The weekend’s agenda. Exhaustive teevee listings for this weekend are here.
ORSON (Athens)Tennessee @ Ole Miss
Florida at South Carolina.
Auburn at Georgia, possibly live if we can muster a ticket up.
Utah at TCU THE FROGS THE FROGS THE FROGS THE FROGS
Tennessee @ [...]
Holly’s in transit today, so picks will just have to be up to yours truly. As we have no problem talking to the air itself, let’s get this monologue underway without delay.
Florida at South Carolina. The grumpiest 9-0 fanbase [...]
The principle is transferable to so many other things, though. For instance, take Brandon Spikes. He is a fierce linebacker, swimming through blocks and [...]
James Coley is the recruiting coordinator and tight ends coach at Florida State. In his spare time he flexes at walls, eyeballs chain link fences and accuses them of inconsistency, and walks into nurseries to yell at infants and remind them that life is hard and those who survive it [...]
Knoxville, let’s make some noise. We always expect someone to just break out into “Fitter, Happier” in the middle of one of these. Prison rape: it’s never funny (unless, of course, it is a clown being prison raped.)
Lane Kiffin has no comment besides “I have [...]
Welcome to our Factor Five Five Factor Preview of South Florida at Rutgers. The Factor Five Five Factor Preview examines the Thursday Night Game, the official death knell of any remaining productivity you may have had left in the tank for this week. This game will take place at Rutgers, [...]
Dollar Bill Doug begs your forgiveness this week for subjecting you to the annus horribilus he’s going through on the punting front, and responds by going full Costanza on you this week. Enjoy.
RISK LEVEL 1: Opening an e-mail with the subject line “Hey look at this”
Georgia -5 vs. Auburn, [...]
It’s that time.
The moment in this story killing us softly is the instant when, having robbed someone, someone in the car screams “FLOOR IT!” and the Prius, kicking in its electric engine, mozies off with a vicious hummmmmmmmmm. And then, looking around, they know right [...]
I promise this isn’t a metaphor (and if it were, it wouldn’t be a particularly good one), but I had a nightmare last night involving not being able to open my eyes (and some small woodland creatures, but that’s neither here nor there). I was jarred out [...]
It’s not much, but at the current prices for Florida we can’t own so much as a blade of grass on Ben Hill Griffin, so Boise State it is for the official owned team of EDSBS.com.
For $100 per share, anyone can buy stock in the new corporation, and [...]
Appropriate choice for the day: today’s Mustache of the Day goes to John J. Pershing.
Happy Mustache Wednesday, men.
Sports Meme Power Rankings are up over at SBN, including pictures of the Chupacabra. Go behold its horror.
Tennessee will graduate Jonathan Crompton next year, leaving Tennessee with no established successor to the Great Catfish under center. You can have your alternate theories, heel: blame the recruiting of Phil Fulmer or lack thereof, blame other quarterbacks simply not working out, blame the inability of Kiffin to snag a [...]
Life is complex, and requires graphs. This week in College Football Graphs follows. This is science, and not subject to debate.
Happy Veterans’ Day. To all soldiers, real and imaginary. LT. WINSLOW REPORTING FOR DUTY.
Tennessee’s Middle Linebacker Spot Made the Mistake of Stealing the Hope Diamond. That’s the only possible explanation for the curse that has Tennessee down to its third string Mike, Herman Lathers, who of [...]
No, he’s not going to eat the goat. But the ever-accurate titles and graphics deserve as much compliment as the fine puppeteering.
[...]
1. Suspenders, for the 746th week in a row.
2. Whole Plums. Codgers swear by prunes, but the pits are key. The digestive aid you can hear working.
3. Ted’s Drive-thru Smoked Fish, Liquor, and Mens Finery, A1A, West Palm Beach. All your needs in one place.
4. Accountants who [...]
A thousand Wannstachealanterns point you in the direction of the glorious Alphabetical, now up and lumbering around over on SBNation.com. You can go look at that when you pry your eyes off the pumpkin pics. Yup. Any second now.
Tackled topics include Ohio [...]
Tommy West fired at Memphis, but never fear Tiger fans, we have your replacement:
National title rings! A perfectly smooth bald head that can be used in a pinch as a whiteboard during meetings to save money on office supplies! 24 or so points of [...]
HURRRNNNNGGGHHHHH. It the international noise of idiocy, and it’s the noise you hear when you see USC ranked above Oregon (by a galling six spots in the coaches poll) after Oregon trashed USC last week in Eugene. The AP has the same error by three spots, [...]
A bizarre day through and through–like, weird to the core, as weird long as it was weird wide as it was weird deep, just weirdness and drah-mah in all directions. It would be enough to drive even the professionals of the CAA to the limits of their patience. Or: it [...]
The weekend’s agenda.
ORSON (ATL)
Virginia @ Miami
South Carolina @ Arkansas
Navy @ Notre Dame
LSU @ Alabama (Which will be an ugly slugfest)
Ohio State @ Penn State (Which will also be an ugly slugfest)
Vandy @ Florida
Connecticut @ Cincy
Florida State @ Clemson
USC @ Arizona State
HOLLY (ATL)
[...]
Orson: I say we do this by order of MEDIOCRE THINGS, because it is a mediocre weekend of football in general.
Holly: Huzzah, Homecoming!
Orson: Northwestern@ Iowa. Mediocre thing to match: Push-ups. Insubstantial, cold, and frustrating because after all that pushing and licking, it’s really just z-grade corn syrup, carageenan, and fake [...]
The Subcommandante needs not appear on this blog anymore thanks to the Redneck Rocker. Gimme blood! Gimme blood pollution!!! Your favorite Mountain Dew-drinkin’, hell-raisin’ redneck is back, and it’s seven minutes plus of pure FYAH.
“I look at Daryl Clark and see the nightmares he can open for Ohio State. [...]
Urban Meyer has been fined $30,000 for his comments about SEC officiating, the logical endpoint of the SEC backing itself so far into a corner re: officiating. As Holly suggests, the proper greeting to this (as it is for so many things) is a thoroughly lazy wanking motion in [...]
Wyoming plays BYU this weekend. This marks an important point in the season for Dave Christensen and the Cowboys, who can continue the upward trend in a rebuilding year by getting above .500 and defeating a powerful conference foe in BYU. There is historical resonance here, too: this game marks [...]
WE WERE RIIIIIIIIGHT. When you’re right so infrequently, you have to gloat when you can. Ahem:
The teams are remarkably similar in build and methodology, but if you have to go with anything, go with Tyrod Taylor’s ability to, on one or two frenetic occasions in the [...]
You may remember these adorable and yet soccer-lethal scamps from Outcasts United, Warren St. John’s book about the struggles and triumphs of a refugee soccer team located here in Atlanta. Well, they don’t call it non-profit without reason, and the fundraising never ends. Please take [...]
Welcome to our Factor Five Five Factor Preview of Virginia Tech at East Carolina. The Factor Five Five Factor Preview examines the Thursday Night Game, featuring the Virginia Tech Hokies versus the East Carolina Pirates. Tonight’s game will feature YARRRRRRRRRRR pirates, so someone is surrendering the booty tonight.
Nittany Lion Drawn By Tom of Finland: Here, Terrelle. Take a tissue. I know how hard it can be.
Terrelle Pryor: Thanks, I just…I just try so hard.
Nittany Lion Drawn by Tom of Finland: I know, I know. Hey, have you been working out? [...]
Another cold day, he thought. His breath snapped in front of him like a frozen ghost. It disappeared as quickly as a married woman leaving your bed: suddenly, and sure to return in a few sad, empty seconds. He’d been breathing for years. It didn’t [...]
Colorado once wore power blue uniforms without shame and with regularity. Correction: there probably was some shame involved since the team did it from 1981-84, a span including ten wins out of 44 games. If that sounds familiar, it should; it’s about three wins less than Dan Hawkins 13 win [...]
SINGLE TEAR LULZ. We hope there’s space in the Musee D’Orsay, because we’re hanging this there whether they like it or not.
Block C tracks down the geniuses behind this piece of breathtaking artwork, presumably showing Hillary Swank with a wig and [...]
IT LEARNS. Lane Kiffin may be staying above the fray for now, but Mike Slive may have an excuse yet to get out his suspendin’ stick yet. Sadly, Urban Meyer may play the part of the honors student who gets to serve as [...]
Ours could be any number of things:
–”STILL MORE MOBILE THAN CHRIS WEINKE”
–”THERE WERE FLOWERS HERE BUT PHIL FULMER ATE THEM”
–”YOU’RE AT THE WRONG TOMBSTONE MIAMI’S SWAGGER IS FOUR SPOTS DOWN AND DIED IN 2002″
–”IF TIM’S RIGHT I’M IN HELL RIGHT NOW [...]
Once again, man-hugs of inappropriate affection and duration to our resident degenerate gambler Doug Gillett.
RISK LEVEL 1: Throwing into coverage against a Willie Martinez secondary
New Mexico +28 at Utah, 6 p.m.
After last week’s disastrous picks, which began with a supposedly easy bet for [...]
That’s what Ole Miss students are chanting at the end of “From Dixie With Love.” Please note that these are Ole Miss students, not alumni, who are certainly trying on the phrase with the kind of naive pissiness you find in high school grafitti artists or a white elementary schooler [...]
The M reflects light to the M on the floor. Tim Brewster gives a tour of the largest locker room in college football, and at the 2:13 mark shows you what it looks like when you buy the “M” off the demolished Landmark hotel in Las Vegas [...]
Today’s Mustache of the Day: Clay Zavada of the Arizona Diamondbacks and his award winning cunnilingus-bumper.
HAPPY MUSTACHE WEDNESDAY MOTHERFUCKERS!!! (HT: Chris.)
[...]Mickey Andrews will be retiring from his position as Florida State’s defensive coordinator at season’s end, ending an illustrious career spanning five decades and including two national championship defenses for the Seminoles.
An emotional Andrews made the announcement at the Orthopedic and Sports Surgery Convention of North Florida and [...]
In addition to hiring the driving coordinator potentially saving Georgia players thousands of dollars of fines and missed games annually, Georgia may want to consider a short-term hire in the messaging and media relations department.
Ealey says he doesn’t agree with those who have said the suspension was not [...]
Yeah, we wished we’d thought of that. Though SEC officials have performed on-field abortions on no fewer than three occasions this year, so this story flies in the face of established evidence.
Penn Wagers, seen here preparing to counsel unwed mother Andre [...]
The draft follows, along with notes. You’ll hate it, because it’s a poll, and how dare you [holy shit polling complaints are as tiresome compaint goes here.] For the eleven millionth time: due to editing during the draft and saving it, the arrows indicating change in position MAY NOT REFLECT [...]
Hulk Ape says good morning.
It’s the pathos on his face that makes it, as if someone had found the correct fixed mix of horror and delight necessary to properly reflect what a football fan at an Iowa football game sees on a [...]
We remain astonished that after a weekend when USC, the team o’ the decade and A plus rated stock of all stocks in college football, took one of those epochal losses marking the beginning of somethng and the end of something else, that we spent most of today talking about [...]
The Alphabetical is up, including this LSUFreek brilliance from the South Carolina Tennessee game.
[...]
The prospective mistress of choice, seen two seasons ago in a fantasy sequence.
Steve Kragthorpe is doomed, doomed, doomed, but if the true test of a man is his gallows humor, then Kragthrope has something to rely on in the shadow of certain firing. He [...]
We’re still Alphabeticalizing, but this needs mentioning: Spikes has been suspended for the first half of the Vandy game by Meyer. Commence overreaction in both directions, please.
[...]
LeGarrette Blount met with the Pac-10 commish yesterday to discuss his possible reinstatement, but he’s a sideshow at the moment to the bombardment Oregon rolls out on opponents week-to-week. QUACK BITCHES.
[...]
That about sums it up in two and a half seconds.
Urban Meyer promised to have a very serious talk with Brandon Spikes re: his attempted eye-gouging of Washaun Ealey in the pile, meaning someone’s getting extra tiger meat on his plate at the training table [...]
41-17. The balletic maestro of the eye gouge says you may have your ball back now.
[...]
The Halloweekend agenda.
ORSON (Jacksonville)
WOOOOOO COCKTAIL PARTY.
HOLLY (Columbus)
West Fuckin’ Virginia @ USF
Miami @ Wake
Duke @ Virginia
Central Michigan @ BC
WLOCP
Sakerlina @ Tennessee
USC @ Oregon
Texas @ OK State
Mr. Moundshroud: “Well, which was it? A Trick or a Treat?”
Happy Halloween, motherfuckers. Let us [...]
Holly: The Phil Fulmer Memorial Hainted Great Pumpkin Pickins!
Orson: Likin’ it.
Holly: Ole Miss-Auburn.
Orson. I know the movie title for this one. BURNT OFFERINGS
Dragging the coffin upstairs for you, Coach Chizik.
Holly : I take that to mean you’re picking Giggity. I like their [...]
[...]
[...]
[...]
