Well, one of us, anyway. Right now I'm broadcasting live over at NuPoppa. So if you've ever wondered what I sound like in person, pop over and have a listen. (I'll give you a hint: think David Sedaris inhaling helium.)
I found myself backlogged: three new albums plus a shiny car to review (I'll get to the car next week). So I'll cut right to the chase:
My hands smelled like puke and my feet hung over the edge of the bed. Lucas' bed: he lay next to me, sleeping like a dog, or like one of Nelson's sailors might have slept. Not awake, not really asleep, but in that dozing state where the sound of a [...]
I drew looks. It happens when you're a dad doing something (socio-culturally speaking) reserved for moms. The moms were in line at Capri Elementary school, there to register their kids for kindergarten. I'd filled out my paperwork earlier but had failed to bring Proper Documentation Of Proof Of Residence, or [...]
Portrait of a frightened man: Jason Avant, thirty-nine, husband, father, and writer on vacation. Mr. Avant is what they call a "nervous flyer", which is a polite way of saying "flyer who requires several glasses of something strong and several handfuls of something stronger to prevent" [...]
A story that starts off with an excuse is never a happy one, and it rarely has a happy ending. The excuse is an attempt to inject perspective, to force the listener or reader into feeling empathy or pity or something for you. The excuse adds a variable to A [...]
Ever hear of Push Presents? Yeah, me neither. Apparently there are husbands out there who go out and buy their wives presents after they've had a baby. (After the wives have had the baby. Not the husbands. Shit, if I pushed out the baby, the first thing I'd do, after [...]
Dear Readers: over the next couple of weeks, the good people at Sweet Blog are going to be working their magic and giving this site a much-needed overhaul. So if things look weird/wonky, don't panic and don't email us; it's all part of the Master Plan. Like the one the [...]
There was a deal at our local Green recycling center; Encinitas residents could get a brand new Smith and Hawken Compost Bin for only $30! Naturally, we had to have one. $30! For a big plastic bin! Which would hold our compost heap! To be sure, [...]
I'm settling into Stay/Work-At-Home-Dad life; for someone who bitched as long and as loudly as I did about hating my profession, working in an office, dealing with incompetent bosses, it's been eye-opening, and at at times not in the "Dorothy steps out of her house into" [...]
I get a lot of crazy e-mails forwarded to me by friends and readers. A lot of them are clearly fake, but every so often one comes along that is just so weird it has to be true. I figured this one was the real deal, [...]
Parents, if you're having trouble convincing your kids that using birth control is a MUST, we recommend directing them to www.whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com. It's a relatively new site, and we're more than happy to spread the word about what can happen when teens (and stupid people in general) get pregnant. We [...]
Years ago I worked at Sea World. During that time, the higher-ups who ran the park were constantly talking about "competition" from other tourist-y type places, namely Disneyland. We must all do more, they would say, because we are competing with Disney for the hearts, minds, [...]
Recently we purchased a Wii. We did so after hours of debate - should we get a game system, which one has the most titles, which one is cheapest, which one would be best for the kid, which one is the most fun to play [...]
Friday night, and we might have lost some of our Hipster Parenting Cred: Beth, Zoe and I, hanging out at the Starbucks, the Starbucks attached to the Barnes and Noble, no less. I was wrestling with a cold, and foresaw a weekend of sloth. Reading supplies were needed, and in [...]
This is how you do a movie poster for what promises to be a very cool interpretation of the greatest kid's book ever written. Spike Jonze, directing. Dave Eggers, screenwriter. Shot on location in weird parts of Australia. After reading this interview with Jonze, I was optimistic. After seeing' [...]
Contests! What a pain in the ass. The nice people who do PR for the new Namco Bandai game for Wii, "We Ski and Snowboard" (screenshot above; looks sweet, no?), sent me two copies, one to review (that's coming up this week) and one to give' [...]
Yes, I have a daughter. No, I haven't written a whole lot about her. For the longest time she was a mystery wrapped in a riddle served with a side of enigma and a medium Diet Caffeine Free Whatthefuck. (She's also a redhead. There's a reason I never dated redheads.' [...]
I blinked and I did miss it. A flicker of movement caught out of the corner of my eye; then the sound crying. I was up and moving, the sound coming from the bathroom, and I was there in one sharp exhalation. This was the second time this night - [...]
We're sure that you're all aware that Valentine's Day is coming up; February 19th 16th 13th 14th is the day that no self-respecting husband/male significant other forgets. So to help some of you guys who blew it last year by buying your wife that Xbox 360' [...]
"Mommy, Daddy...is it ok to say 'Oh my gosh'?"
"Yep. Or 'Oh my goodness'. That works just as well. Better, even."
"Oh. How about 'Oh my God'?"
"Well...you see, that might upset some people. It's not really a nice thing to say."
"Oh. What's God?"
(Long, long, long, long, long pause.)
"Well. Hmm. God. Well, some" [...]
Politics aside, the man was a dad, and his daughters do him credit.
I was going back through the archives and it occurred to me that we really spend a lot of time talking about Star Wars on this site. (www.lukeiamyourfathercentric.com might be a better URL.) In fact, I defy you to find a male between the ages of 36 and 42 who [...]
Fellow San Diegans know Chris Cantore; he was the morning voice of 91X for a great many years. The Cantores welcomed a new member to their family, and Chris wrote a great little post about the birth of daughter Lucia. Please stop by and say congrats!
[...]We're all kinda busy this week, but we didn't want to leave you hanging. So, a holiday puzzle for you: see if you can figure out just what the hell Bahamian folk singer Joseph Spence is saying in this, his version of Santa Claus is Comin' to Town.
[...] Are you feeling it? Because I am. I've yet to get hammered on rum-diluted eggnog. I have not watched Mr. Hanky's Christmas Classics or Bad Santa. I have not pelted carolers with rocks and garbage. There's a distinct lack of Christmas Spirit in the [...]
Longtime readers will of course remember Lucas' classic 2005 Santa picture; historian Stephen Ambrose referred to it as "an iconic image, one that ranks with the classic photo of the Marines at Iwo Jima", and most of our friends refer to it when they speak of my utter lack of [...]
We here at DadCentric hope all of you have a very safe and happy Thanksgiving. And if you're traveling today or tomorrow, well, enjoy:
[...]See these? These are the Boot version of Crocs. Now, a word about Crocs. They should not be worn by adults unless they are in either the Gutter Cleaning or Fish Gutting Industries. For kids, they are the perfect shoe. Why? Dogshit. Kids' shoes are dogshit magnets. You could be [...]
Pick up your local paper, and chances are that at least once a week you'll see an article about parenting. And of course it'll be written by someone other than a father. But if you're a dad living in Seattle, not only do you get a government-paid-for Starbucks ration, the [...]
The election's over, thank God, because Dear Readers we know you want us to get back to the fart jokes and Star Wars references and such. But we're not done just yet. In no particular order, here are some things that you should tell your kids about [...]
Velcro
Buffalo wings
The Red Hot Chili Peppers
Nose hair
Why, even though we aren't voting for him, John McCain isn't a Stupid Bad Guy.
Why we think telling him to ask people if they "like gladiator movies" is really, really funny.
Why it's ok, even good, to fail sometimes.
The difference between a longboard, a [...]
Tired from doing all that crazy dad stuff this week? Kick back, relax, pop open a cold one, and enjoy.
The first week of 6th grade sucked. A new school, and I was a geeky kid with a bowl haircut and glasses, big brown tortoise-shell framed glasses. Bullymeat. I knew that going in, and on that Wednesday I was told in no uncertain terms by Jeff T. and Gary M. [...]
The curtain opens; we are in the The Avant family kitchen. BETH, LUCAS and JASON are sitting at the table; BETH is clipping LUCAS' toenails.
LUCAS: No, Mommy! You're going to snip off my little toe!
BETH: No, I won't. I'm very careful. Besides, if I do, your daddy will wear it [...]
