So. Christmas party tonight. Meeting Guy’s boss and co-workers for the first time. All I have to do is show up sober, look nice, and make small talk, am I right?
Well, there’s a bit of time to kill and a few things need doing around here before I go, so [...]
From the time Dylan was a year old, we’ve said that he will be the one running the Three Card Monty operation behind the dumpsters at school. That, or selling chances to see a pair of his sister’s underwear.
I was so wrong.
Logan started a business at school yesterday. Back story: [...]
Groggy in the day, awake and cranky at night. I’m a lot of fun, I tell ya.
I think the best part about coming back has been the confluence of collection calls about medical bills I can’t pay, credit card that is maxed, kids’ excessive absences while I was away [...]
Son: *farts*
Daughter: You miss him now?
The kids have been killing me since I got back yesterday. They got taller and funnier in the last two weeks, I swear. It’s like they took a speed-funny class while I was in Thailand. I can’t even remember half the stuff they said, they [...]
Son: *farts*
Daughter: You miss him now?
The kids have been killing me since I got back yesterday. They got taller and funnier in the last two weeks, I swear. It’s like they took a speed-funny class while I was in Thailand. I can’t even remember half the stuff they said, they [...]
Daphne is doing a connect the dots drawing of a snowman, and I asked the boys to help. After a while, I heard, “That might actually be a jeep.”
I sighed. “Daphne, just trace a flipping snowman.”
“Mom, I think he’s onto something—it’s actually a drunk fairy driving a jeep.”
“Well, you [...]
“If they call me Mr. Roberts one more time, I’m not paying the fucking bill.”
—My Guy, after ordering room service. Again
.
[...]Seriously, this “blog” thing is WORK. See, I go on vacaton and you all are still here, going WHY DID I BOOKMARK YOU, WOMAN?
I don’t know, Mr, Crabs, I don’t know.
Have to do some acrobatics to upload pics, since my ibook battery died. I have to download to My Guy’s [...]
Two down, two to go. Am finally acclimated to the time change, but the last 48 hours have not been pretty. Funny, odd, but not pretty. Supporting exhibits on my Facebook album. I really can’t bring myself to report them here. I [...]
It’s four o’clock, 33 hours after we left home, and the sun is rising over the river in Bangkok. It nearly knocked me over when I opened the blackout drapes. Happy birthday to the King of Thailand. Now I am going to close the drapes and go back [...]
Like a lemon to a lime, a lime to a lemon…I’ve had the Beastie Boys in my head all day. While doing the Snoopy dance, which is a whole lot of fun when you can’t wait to get started on an adventure.
I’m heading off to Bangkok first thing in the [...]
Stumbled on this and played with it, but didn’t think it would be so funny, or so just in the end.
Congratulations on being the creator of a new Evil Plan (tm)!
Your objective is simple: World Domination.
Your motive is [...]
You are perfect in a completely damaged kind of way…just the way I want and need.
—My Guy
One thing I hate about the holidays is that it points up the separateness of families after divorce.
In our home, in our family, in our divorce, we’ve emphasized the family unit as something immutable, something permanent and indestructible. Moms and Dads may divorce, they may split one unhappy household into [...]
Sitting on the deck at My Guy’s tonight… it’s odd. I’ve been here two days now doing my Fran Dresher thing (complete with botching one of the kids’ appointments showing up late to pick him up) and I’m noticing things that have been below the RADAR before now.
For one [...]
These are the days it takes the entire family to pull together…
It’s my ex-husband’s birthday today, and the family tradition for as long as we’ve had kids has been to go out for a big sushi dinner. So, today when I picked up the kids, they were fired up for [...]
I did a segment with ABC News about having fun doing homework with tweens, which is sort of like asking me to enjoy having Bugs Bunny teach me the quadratic formula. It’s eight minutes long, and I come in right at the end so if you want to see what [...]
Daughter: Okay, okay, I didn’t really take a bath, I just rinsed my hair and brushed it.”
Son: “That is not delightful.”
[...]Kids have been back with me one day after being with their dad for five, and I am ready to strangle them already. Which is SO WRONG, considering they are about to leave over Thanksgiving for eight days, be back with me for two, and then I go to Thailand [...]
My Guy and I are heading to an 80’s party for my friend’s 40th birthday, and I just couldn’t bear to tease my hair and go all Belinda Carlisle, so I followed a friend’s advice and I’m now going as one of the Palmer girls from the [...]
DISCLAIMER: I did not let my daughter watch Kill Bill with me! She came in at the very last scene, and when I went to turn it off, she said, no, I want see the swordfight. It was a very stylized, elegant scene, until the part where they each got [...]
Logan was home sick again today and wound up at my house for a couple of hours. When it was time for me to head out on my date, I said collect yer things, we’re taking off.
He came to find me in the bathroom. “Mom, stop. We’re just going [...]
I spoke to my elderly aunt last evening—well, I left a couple messages and she asked a friend to call because it was too much effort for her—and I got to thinking about the people in my life, and all the people in every one of your lives too. Truth.
Ever [...]
To My Guy,
I was thinking this morning about what you said about broadening horizons, and realized that that is what I have been trying to put my finger on all this time. You and I are both worldly, canny, intelligent and sophisticated people who have pushed our own boundaries our [...]
Healthcare Technology News reports on a bit of harmonization in “Guerilla Music at the AHIP Conference.”
“On Friday October 23, America’s Health Insurance Plans (AHIP) met in the aftermath of a tumultuous month in which the [...]
Just came to the startling realization that my sons ALWAYS put the toilet seat down. You’re welcome, Future Girlfriends and Wives.
[...]Doing Internet TV with Momversation.com has been, hands down, the most exciting project I’ve worked on in my seven—almost eight—years of doing this. It’s my favorite community, and I get to work with the most astounding people every single week. Some days, it’s literally what gets me out of bed [...]
Is there anything funnier than listening from the other room while your children try to guess your computer password? I don’t think so.
It is the only time they have been quiet since they got home, ostensibly to “let me rest” by the fireplace because I still look like a zombie [...]
Motherlode: Adventures in Parenting: Life as a Depressed Parent
By Lisa Belkin
Over at the Momversation this week, Heather Armstrong of Dooce.com is leading a candid talk about depression. She has been extremely open over the years about the postpartum emotional crash that led her to a psychiatric [...]
My son’s den leader sent out a note yesterday asking that the boys contribute part of their Halloween candy to the soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. In fact, as part of the Citizenship badge, they will be writing letters and making drawings to send to the troops, and the boys [...]
As of tonight, I’m back at about 78% capacity, so let’s talk about depression. Why not? I’m sure I wouldn’t feel great about it were I at full capacity, but ten days of swine flu has done a number on me. In that way the latest episode of [...]
Well, Internets, I have the Swine flu.
Please, Whoever is Messing With My Life, it’s not funny. Cut it out.
The last week has been hazy, with the exception of yesterday’s highly memorable trip to the walk-in clinic for screening, at the end of which I was curled up in a ball, [...]
We, Internets, I have the Swine flu.
Please, Whoever is Messing With My Life, it’s not funny. Cut it out.
The last week has been hazy, with the exception of yesterday’s highly memorable trip to the walk-in clinic for screening, at the end of which I was curled up in a ball, [...]
This is my buddy Sean Sanczel, of Pencilman (see American Idol Pencilman), I Don’t Care, English Funhouse, and Rappo Marx fame. He slays me. Just slays me.
' [...]I mean, really. For fuck’s sake.
Annual New York’s Hottest Mom Contest For Cougars Over 35 and Kittens Under in Times Square Is your Mom the next Angelina Jolie, Kate Hudson or Madonna in NYC
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
The Hawaiian Tropic Pageant might get a new twist as some of the hottest [...]
“Mom, everyone tried to tell me what a flu shot would be like, and you were the only one who got it right. You said it would sting and that it would be in my arm for a long time, so they could pump it all in slowly, and that [...]
If I have to drive over to my ex’s house one more time for a math book or blanket or shoe I will flay myself alive with an ice cream scooper.
I chatted with my mom while I was waiting at the curb today and eventually noticed that the kids [...]
I’m floored with another! fifth disease! flare-up! and all three of the kids are home sick with various and sundry illnesses. Gooooooo Roberts! I actually took one to school, only to have him call from the office at ten past nine for me to come back and pick him up. [...]
I’ve been listening to Rilo Kiley’s “A Better Son / Daughter” and I wish she’d get out of my head. It’s already too crowded in here.
A Better Son / Daughter
Sometimes in the morning i am petrified and can’t move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And' [...]
I love watching my boy kick ass at a baseball tournament like any red-blooded American Mom, but I REALLY love the shenanigans that go on in the stands with the other 80% of the family.
Dylan and Daphne were angels, getting along and playing together, making runs for snacks together [...]
I have totally been AWOL from this site, and it’s ALL THE STORM’S FAULT.
Comcast has broken my heart, dropping the connection every ten minutes, or whenever I need to upload video for momversation.com, or do work for a client, or just check my flipping email. We have had no cable, [...]
My “Make me a playdate!” chart is available for download on Slideshare! This little puppy has short-circuited more arguments about playdates…I love it so.
"Make me a playdate!" chart by The Mommy Blog
Picking my kids up from school every day is like a scene from Groundhog Day. Inevitably [...]
My guy and I got all the kids together for the first time today, meeting at a park. Between us we have SIX CHILDREN.
FIVE BOYS AND ONE GIRL.
Yes, I know. shut up.
The ages? 5, 7, 9, 9, 10, and 11.
The Von Trapps had kids that could look after each other. [...]
Him: I’m having one of those “fuck it” days.
Me: Tell me about it. I live in a house where the windows are about four feet off the ground with lavender bushes outside to break my fall.
Arrrgh, I just woke up from a dream in which all my problems were solved. [...]
Say it with me: FTC!
*jump splits*
Here’s the short clip on CBS News 5 with Kiet Do that aired at eleven tonight. Props to Jim Flanagan for mad camera skilz and sense of humor. : )
Oh, you want to know why? The Federal [...]
Of course, not, children, Mummy owes all her remaining marbles to each of you equally.
Check out the article by Cookie Magazine about playing favorites, which helped to inspire this episode.
Do you find yourself playing favorites with your children? Would your kids say you [...]
This isn’t going to help my business much, but Lord, is it funny. And sad.
[via Heavy Backpack]
[...]Hey everyone, it’s time for another installment of “Mindy Gets on a Plane!”
For some reason, air travel is a little more… interesting for me than for most. Take Cincinnati (please). I ran roughly two point four miles to catch a connection ten minutes after landing and learning [...]
I love the hour between three and four o’clock; it’s the time the kids tell me stories from the day. Logan said he needed to talk to me, official-like, so I sat and he sat and we both cradled our Diet Cokes.
He started up about a dozen times. Hilarious. He [...]
The kids were with their father this weekend, and my folks were in Capitola for the various festivities. We didn’t all spend time together but we had overlap here and there.
On Sunday night after they got home, my son missed me and sent a text. Hilarity ensued. For me, [...]
In which I say “boob” approximately 486432 times.
Do you have any weaning tips? Did you find it easy or difficult? And are you a Boob MacGyver? Watch the video to find out, and join the Momversation by commenting in one of our related forums:
Breastfeeding in [...]For the six of you who have read my book, this will be exciting!
There is a section in Mommy Confidential called Overdue Letters. It’s a short list of letters I’d send if I could, the ones I wish could send to those special people who have affected [...]
Six kids under eleven between the two of us. 8:45 p.m.
Him: dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, “what” daniel hit me twenty times…ok i will be right there
dada da dad dad, david is pushing the buttons on your safe
dad, dad, dad, dad, david has a knife
dad, dad, daniel [...]
“Mom, if the bread smells like soy sauce, is it still good?”
—Dylan
My middle son this morning:
“How long would it take to cross this room at light speed?”
“I have never seen you move that fast on a school morning.”
“But how long?”
“I don’t even know the number for it… millionth of a millisecond?”
“So a thousand in a second?”
“Maybe nanosec—GET DRESSED, WILL YOU?”
I cannot [...]
So what was that about procrastination becoming a job in and of itself? Hmmm, I don’t know, so maybe I’ll just tell you what I haven’t gotten around to doing instead of getting around to it.
Oh, wait, have to settle the issue of four children (sleepover) wanting Swedish pancakes, and [...]
I’m off to interview Reny Ryan, author of “Confessions of a Brazilian Bikini Waxer.” Figured the best place to do that was in her, um, treatment room. Will have audio, FTC permitting. :)
I [...]
This morning, a family member forwarded me a post called Why I Get Angry on Musings of a Distractible Mind on “Finding the Waste in Our Health Care System - Low-Hanging Fruit.”
It was refreshing to see a provider actually [...]
All the kids got great teachers this year (in the middle schooler’s words, “hot ones.”), and are off to a great start. I was terrified my middle child would get one particular teacher whose authoritarian style works well with kids who can be intimidated into compliance, but you must remember [...]
My son just said, “I love you, Mom. Bye.” Not so unusual, right?
But he sent it as a text, after he left to walk to school. Just knowing that he’s still thinking of saying goodbye halfway down the block… I’m all verklempt.
[...]My Mom’s got guns!
—Logan (carrying groceries in)
My new nickname is Cream. Know why? Because I cream people and smash them to bits! But other times I’m just sweet.
—Daphne, out of nowhere
All three children made it home today, though I lost one for a while. He’s at middle school now, but has a phone to reach me, but that generally only works when I have my phone on me, too. I didn’t. When I found him I just asked him to [...]
I’m sitting watching the fire wire signal bounce around the screen like the Dell logo does on that old screen saver. Just need one more hour to transfer photos between the old computer and the new, and I will cry if it aborts because one of the files requires “permissions [...]
If the name fits… ahahahaha! At first I typed “bane.” Lord help me.
I’m speaking on a panel with the ever lovely Beth Blecherman of TechMamas and Silicon Valley Moms Group at the Chicks Who Click conference [...]
I just called in TWO favors for two separate rides to Wheelworks to pick up a tire. Idea was to get a used tire or just any old tire that could be used as a spare, take it home, put it on the car, and drive it back to get [...]
Today, my eldest goes to middle school orientation. He’ll be on his own for the day, but I need to go to the parent meeting to pick up a lock, class schedule, etc. so I have to depend on his dad for a ride there because my car is sitting [...]
“Mom, are you in a good enough mood to hear this?”
—Logan
BECAUSE THEY JUST SHOULD. I’m a walking poster child of what is wrong with the healthcare system. I’m losing coverage on the first, because TWICE the company that had my COBRA coverage folded and *poof* the COBRA ends when the company ceases to exist. As in, two weeks notice that [...]
“Mommy, for your birthday we decided that we should all have nicknames. Daphne’s stuffed dog is Princess Blossom and Daphne is Blossom but when she’s mad, she’s Skull Eater.”
—Dylan
Just before our Molly passed away early this year, Daphne got a stuffed puppy that looked just like her.
My uncle was there. He’s okay aside from eardrum and other injuries. He’s supposed to rotate out at the end of the month, and we want him back.
Deadly Blast Near NATO HQ In Kabul
by The Associated Press
August 15, 2009
A suicide [...]
Know how I know?
We’re having six or seven nine-year-olds for a sleepover birthday party for my son, mine is tomorrow, and the main water pressure regulator for the house has sprung the kind of leak that would put a dent in your finger if you held it there too long. [...]
I had about as much participation in this episode as I did in teaching my children to swim!
*finger, thumb, L, forehead*
Sarah Burns of The Ohana Mama joins the panelists as Karen Walrond of Chookooloonks asks, “How do you get [...]
Boy, you could drive a truck through that opening. *cymbals*
What do you think a mom looks like? What kind of mom do you think you are? Is there a look that screams “not a mother” to you? Join the Momversation by commenting in one of our related forums:
[...]Boy, you could drive a truck through that opening. *cymbals*
What do you think a mom looks like? What kind of mom do you think you are? Is there a look that screams “not a mother” to you? Join the Momversation by commenting in one of our related forums:
[...]I love this guy. “George D. Lundberg MD, is former Editor in Chief of Medscape, eMedicine, and the Journal of the American Medical Association. He’s now President and Chair of the Board of The Lundberg Institute.” And has been married to my mom for twenty-six years.
FWIW…
Jon Gosselin Enjoys Bachelorhood, Kate Gosselin Vacations with the Kids
‘Jon & Kate Plus 8’ Couch Becomes Armchair As Two Learn to Parent Separately
By [...]
I may be a sucker for kids, but I’m no pushover!
Our panelists have discussed how they discipline their own children... but disciplining someone else’s kid? That’s a whole ‘nother ball of wax. Certainly, you wouldn’t spank another child, but what about scolding a friend’s [...]
Him: hi lovely
Me: hi. Just checking in to see if I’m still poor… yep.
Him: oh sweetheart
Me: I know - sorry - only so many times you can talk about the same thing. i was going to sit with a beer and a movie
Him: good idea
Me: [...]
Most of this discussion has been happening over on FaceBook because Twitter hangs when I tweet (there’s a sentence I’ve never contemplated) and it was too exasperating to write about here. I’m waiting for you all to get Mindy Fatigue and just move on to someone cheerier already.
So. Cash for [...]
I have a Google alert set for “Melinda Roberts.” So what? I bet you do too. Anyway, there are a LOT of other Melinda Roberts-folk out there, and don’t even get me started on Mindy. Why, Leona Helmsley, why did you have to have that as a pseudonym? Why must [...]
Lots of exciting stuff on the web today and tomorrow:
Interview featuring Yours Truly on ABC.com: “Moms Get Real” on Bedtime Battles (featured yesterday on ABC’s Good Morning America online. [...]I am waaay behind in Momversation episodes (though you may be thinking that’s all I post lately, but trust me honey, there hasn’t been a whole lot of cheery to post, so thank me). I’m just going to link them instead of embedding them… nah I’m going to embed because [...]
Here I am in southern Ohio, the heart of the midwest, just north of the Bible Belt, the upper-ridge filigree on the bible belt (the one I won at a rodeo) if you will, and someone actually asked me this question.
“Do you speak English?”
- Total Stranger on the street
I must be the 83470273508th person to post this, but it doesn’t make it any less funny. Thanks to the lovely Ms. Tako-Girard!
[...]I’m going to be out of town for a couple of days, hanging with my peeps at Pampers in Cincinnati, so here are a few things to keep you busy:
It’s a little late for that, I think.
Do your kids see you naked? At what age should you start to cover up? Does gender make a difference? Are you comfortable being naked, or are you pretty modest? Join the Momversation by commenting on the video or in one of [...]
A Momversation Classic: The stork. A “special hug.” Magical elves? We panelists talked amongst ourselves and this one was one of our favorites.
And, fresh out of the oven this morning (so to speak): Does Birth Order Matter?
Do you think that birth order determines a person’s personality? [...]
“Oh, Mom, the stupid words that make the stupid things you say, and the stupid rules that make you say those stupid things…”
—Dylan, on my not allowing much at all during the blackout.
So!
Remember that slip-n-slide party I invited y’all to on FaceBook? Well, it was really more of a surf-n-slide since we have these great little boards you can really surf on. Logan was doing this killer stunt on his knees and ran into a sprinkler head, ripping a flap open on [...]
On the way home from dinner at a friend’s tonight, the kids and I talked a little about the economy, and why we don’t just get jobs already.
“Too bad you and dad had so many fights because otherwise one parent could work and the other could stay with us.”
“Well, for [...]
My stepdad sends me all sorts of medical news, some fascinating, some downright depressing. This falls into the latter, as I am currently uninsured and having trouble going through the motions because of the 9844928968 questions I have to answer about the last umpteen times I saw a doctor and [...]
And now… this strange thing they keep calling “me time.” Whatever. I’d have had nothing to say!
How do you find me time? Comment on this post on Momversation. The first ten people to comment will receive a copy of Today’s Moms.
Today’s video is Momversation’s 100th episode! Check out our [...]
