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  • We're Hoity Toity Jerks

    Number of comments: 0
    My daughter had a test last week on the different states of matter. For extra credit, she was asked to draw and label an example of a gas, a solid, and a liquid.

    For gas, she drew air. It looked like bubbles to me, but how does one draw [...]
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    Posted: December 15, 2009, 12:25pm EST
    by Chag

  • Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Week Fourteen

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    You know, I was doing pretty good: I picked up six games on Bill Simmons in two weeks. But then I had to go and get all braggy on Thursday and lost a game to him (damn, the Steelers SUCK!). Anyway, I can still catch him; I'm only four games' [...]
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    Posted: December 12, 2009, 10:26pm EST
    by Chag

  • Songs About Money

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. This week's theme was songs about money. Here's the playlist:
    Everything's Ruined by Faith No More (me)Money Changes Everything by Cyndi Lauper (me)For The Love Of Money by Bulletboys (Dereksmommissy)Opportunities (Let’s Make Lots of Money) by [...]
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    Posted: December 10, 2009, 11:39pm EST
    by Chag

  • One VERY Thorny Rose

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    Can someone stop this from happening? Pretty please?

    Bret Michaels is a whore.

    And for tonight's game, I'm going against Bill (which has served me quite well lately) and I'm taking the Steelers (-10). [...]
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    Posted: December 10, 2009, 4:22pm EST
    by Chag

  • Cynical Christmas Songs

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. This week's theme was cynical Christmas songs. I must be much more cynical than most, because I had to pretty much carry the second hour by myself. Here's the playlist:
    A Christmas Duel by The Hives and [...]
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    Posted: December 07, 2009, 10:37am EST
    by Chag

  • Cynical Xmas Songs/Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Week Thirteen

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    I'll have last week's Twitter playlist up later today. But I wanted to get my NFL picks in before the game started.

    Here are my picks for Week 13 (home teams in CAPS, Bill's picks in red):

    Eagles (-5.5) over FALCONS
    Rams (+9) over BEARS
    BENGALS (-13) over' [...]
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    Posted: December 06, 2009, 8:47am EST
    by Chag

  • The Festival Of Crap

    Number of comments: 0
    Ok. Follow me.

    Something good + something good = something really good

    Right?

    Wrong!

    Witness:



    And for tonight's game, I'm going with Bill. Jets (-3) over Bills.

    Edited to add: Forgot to put this in originally. If you'd like to read a [...]
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    Posted: December 03, 2009, 5:46pm EST
    by Chag

  • Killer Christmas Music

    Number of comments: 0


    Get it? It's killer Christmas music because it's by The Killers. God, I crack myself up.

    If you have any new Christmas music you've recently discovered, you know where to find me. [...]
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    Posted: December 02, 2009, 12:09am EST
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week XVII

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    Here ya go!
    I need these shoes: http://tinyurl.com/yf3e8c7 God, I sound like a mommyblogger. -- 11.25.09

    Surely I'm not the only one who thinks that MTV's upcoming Jersey Store could be the greatest thing in the history of TV, right? -- 11.25.09

    "What IS that you're" [...]
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    Posted: December 01, 2009, 10:44am EST
    by Chag

  • Mission Accomplished

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    Another NaBloPoMo in the books!

    Yay me! [...]
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    Posted: November 30, 2009, 9:31am EST
    by Chag

  • Songs From Ads

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. This week's theme was songs from television ads. Here's the playlist:
    Nike: List of Demands (Reparations) by Saul Williams (me)Dove: La Breeze by Simian (me)Target: September by Earth, Wind, & Fire (Spookiez Spot)Taco Bell: One More [...]
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    Posted: November 29, 2009, 12:47am EST
    by Chag

  • Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Week Twelve

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    I've got two goals for this weekend -- to go a perfect 16-0 with my picks and to get the Christmas tree up and decorated. Something tells me I'll accomplish neither.

    Here are my picks for week 12 (home teams in caps, Bill's picks in red):

    Bucs (+12) [...]
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    Posted: November 28, 2009, 8:16am EST
    by Chag

  • Xmas On Black Friday

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    Why do I love this song?
    It's Christmas music.It's sung by Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.I have the maturity level of an eight-year-old boy.
    Enjoy!

    [...]
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    Posted: November 27, 2009, 9:17pm EST
    by Chag

  • Thanksgiving

    Number of comments: 0
    Turkey, football, and family!

    Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!

    [...]
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    Posted: November 26, 2009, 7:23am EST
    by Chag

  • Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Thanksgiving Games

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    Did awful last week. I don't why I keep doing this. Here are my picks for Thursday's games (home teams in CAPS, Bill's picks in red):

    Packers (-10.5) over LIONS
    COWBOYS (-13.5) over Raiders
    BRONCOS (+7) over Giants
    Last WeekMe: 6-10
    Simmons: 6-10

    SeasonMe: 81-76-3
    Simmons: 90-67-3[...]
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    Posted: November 25, 2009, 8:00pm EST
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week XVI

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    Not much tweeting this week.
    Based on the number of PR pitches I receive each day, I would hate to see the inbox of a popular blogger. -- 11.19.09

    The Goods? They should've called it The Bads. Awful, awful movie. -- 11.21.09
    ' [...]
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    Posted: November 24, 2009, 9:08pm EST
    by Chag

  • Random Thoughts From The Mall

    Number of comments: 0
    Observations from this weekend's trip to Concord Mills, North Carolina's #1 tourist attraction:
    New Moon! New Moon! New Moon! New Moon! New Moon! That shit was everywhere.

    Case in point: I saw two men in their mid-thirties walking through the mall. One had a shirt which read "I Run" [...]
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    Posted: November 23, 2009, 12:07am EST
    by Chag

  • Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Week Eleven

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    Too lazy for my Power Poll and commentary, so let's get to the picks (home team in caps, Bill's picks in red):

    Redskins (+11) over COWBOYS
    LIONS (-3.5) over Browns
    PACKERS (-6.5) over Niners
    Steelers (-10) CHIEFS
    GIANTS (-6.5) over Falcons
    Saints (-11) over BUCS
    JAGS (-8.5) over Bills
    [...]
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    Posted: November 22, 2009, 12:30am EST
    by Chag

  • Songs About Satan

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. Since I covered songs about God and Jesus the previous week, I thought it was only fair to give the Devil his due. Here's the playlist:
    Run Devil Run by Jenny Lewis (me)The Devil's Right Hand by [...]
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    Posted: November 21, 2009, 7:52pm EST
    by Chag

  • Because It's Never Too Early For Christmas Music

    Number of comments: 0
    Here's I Wish It Was Christmas Today by the frontman of The Strokes, Julian Casablancas:



    And yes, you've heard this tune somewhere else before. ' [...]
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    Posted: November 20, 2009, 12:15am EST
    by Chag

  • I Need My Own Man Cave

    Number of comments: 0
    With both the Tar Heels and the Panthers on TV tonight, I need a home theater system with nine TVs (in case you're wondering what to get me for Christmas).

    Until then, I'll just have to keep dragging myself to the sports bar.

    Of course, I have to [...]
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    Posted: November 19, 2009, 3:49pm EST
    by Chag

  • Yet Another Open Letter To My Daughter

    Number of comments: 0
    Dear Zoey--

    You know we love you and would love to give you anything your little heart desires.

    Within reason.

    I don't quite understand why you want those stupid things. Maybe you're proud of your family? Maybe you're just in love with your name? I don't know.
    [...]
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    Posted: November 18, 2009, 9:09pm EST
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week XV

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    Ten whole tweets this week. You guys are lucky, lucky devils!
    Wanted: Pretty woman who knows how to build an ark. Ability to work in a bikini a plus. Please send pictures with references. -- 11.11.09

    What the hell is The Weather Channel doing playing Sublime during the [...]
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    Posted: November 17, 2009, 9:00pm EST
    by Chag

  • When You Call Something "Untitled," Aren't You Titling It?

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    We're going to be spending the night at a Ronald McDonald House in a few weeks.

    I really hope we get to meet Grimace. ' [...]
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    Posted: November 16, 2009, 9:37pm EST
    by Chag

  • An Open Letter To My Daughter

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    Dear Zoey--

    First of all, we're both really impressed that you've recently started reading nonfiction books. While we love hearing of the trials and tribulations of Katie Kazoo, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, Stink, and that wimpy little bastard, it's nice to hear you spouting off facts for a change. And no, [...]
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    Posted: November 15, 2009, 9:49pm EST
    by Chag

  • Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Week Ten

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    Cynical Dad NFL Power Index Here are my top six teams in the NFL:
    New Orleans Saints (8-0)Indianapolis Colts (8-0)Minnesota Vikings (7-1)New England Patriots (6-2)Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2)Dallas Cowboys (6-2)
    Already 1-0 for the week after Thursday night's snoozefest. Here are my picks for week ten (home teams in CAPS, Bill's [...]
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    Posted: November 14, 2009, 9:30pm EST
    by Chag

  • Songs About God & Jesus

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. This week's theme was songs that mentioned God or Jesus. Here's the playlist:
    Jesus Chrysler Drives A Dodge by Screaming Blue Messiahs (me)Shine On Sweet Jesus by The Flaming Lips (me)Dear God by XTC (Mommymae)God by [...]
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    Posted: November 13, 2009, 10:24pm EST
    by Chag

  • Magical Evening

    Number of comments: 0
    It's that time of year again: beginning tonight, the NFL expands its programming to three nights a week! Yeah, baby!

    Unfortunately, we do not have DirecTV and my cable provider, Time Warner, is still engaging in a pissing match with the NFL Network and refuses to carry that channel.[...]
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    Posted: November 12, 2009, 6:00pm EST
    by Chag

  • When Good Blogs Go Bad

    Number of comments: 0
    I think I've made it abundantly clear in the past that music has always been an important aspect of my life. I run my Nameless Twitter Radio Show every week. Hell, this makes the 90th post on Cynical Dad that I've tagged Music.

    But try as I [...]
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    Posted: November 11, 2009, 9:30pm EST
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week XIV

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    I'm not good at introductions.
    Guess what I found out today? If you drop your camera on concrete, it breaks! Who knew? -- 11.07.09

    I drove a Segway for the first time today. Rockin' like it's 2002! -- 11.08.09

    Hey kids! See that new big thing' [...]
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    Posted: November 10, 2009, 9:03pm EST
    by Chag

  • Sometimes I Forget

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    Quick! What has two thumbs and should probably tell people he's going to do something before he starts doing it? This guy!

    Bonus joke: What has two thumbs and never gets tired of this joke? This guy!

    But back to the first joke. I'm doing NaBloPoMo again [...]
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    Posted: November 09, 2009, 8:51am EST
    by Chag

  • Weezer

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. This week's them was nothing but Weezer, in honor of the release of Raditude. Here's the playlist:
    (If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To (me)The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived (Variations On' [...]
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    Posted: November 08, 2009, 10:20pm EST
    by Chag

  • Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Week Nine

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    No time for commentary this week. But after my poor showing last week, is that really such a bad thing?

    Here are my picks for week nine (home teams in CAPS, Bill's picks in red):

    FALCONS (-10) over Redskins
    Cards (+3) over BEARS
    Ravens (-3) over BENGALS
    Texans' [...]
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    Posted: November 07, 2009, 10:13pm EST
    by Chag

  • Friday Night Earworm

    Number of comments: 0
    This, my friends, is how to make a music video:



    And if you're reading this and the video has been pulled, it was for the latest single, You Know Me, by Robbie Williams. [...]
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    Posted: November 06, 2009, 6:34pm EST
    by Chag

  • Man In Car

    Number of comments: 0
    Rejected. Again.

    Maybe it was the repulsive stench of fear, desperation, and awkwardness that permeated through every pore of my body.

    Maybe it was the robotic spiel where I spit out a thousand words in ninety seconds without coming up for air.

    Maybe they watched me rehearse [...]
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    Posted: November 05, 2009, 11:25pm EST
    by Chag

  • 27

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    It's the top of the ninth and the Yankees are leading 7-3 over the Phillies. They are three outs away from their 27th Word Series title. Time to jump in and provide commentary!

    11:38 PM Personally, I thought it was a bad idea to bring Rivera in so early.' [...]
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    Posted: November 04, 2009, 11:33pm EST
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week XIII

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    Yeah. That time again.
    So there's an online service that lets you rent books (like Netflix, only with books). Um... isn't this called a library? -- 10.30.09

    I wish my kids were old enough to go to haunted houses. Or weren't afraid of haunted houses. -- 10.30.09
    ' [...]
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    Posted: November 03, 2009, 9:12pm EST
    by Chag

  • An Open Letter To Joe Girardi

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    Hey Joe--

    First of all, I've got to tell you I'm a lifelong Yankees fan. I also feel you've done a hell of a job managing the team and the different personalities this year. Hell, A-Rod alone must've caused more than a few gray hairs!

    Now that the [...]
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    Posted: November 02, 2009, 4:29pm EST
    by Chag

  • More Scary Music

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. This week's theme was scary music. Like last year's Halloween show, I played horror movie trailers between songs. Unlike last year's Halloween show, I showed up 30 minutes late.

    Anyway, here's the playlist:
    Mechanical Man by [...]
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    Posted: November 01, 2009, 11:12pm EST
    by Chag

  • Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Week Eight

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    Cynical Dad NFL Power IndexHere are my top six teams in the NFL:
    New Orleans Saints (6-0)Indianapolis Colts (6-0)Denver Broncos (6-0)Minnesota Vikings (6-1)New England Patriots (5-2)Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2)I had a really good week last week. Time to add to it! Here are my picks for week eight (home teams in [...]
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    Posted: October 31, 2009, 11:55pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Nothing To See Here

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    I'm over at DadCentric today for Alumni Week. In my post, I give mommybloggers some unsolicited advice.

    What can I say? I'm a giver. [...]
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    Posted: October 30, 2009, 12:54pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week XII

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    You guys know how much I rock, right?
    Getting quotes on a new heating/cooling unit to replace our broken one. Didn't realize the systems were made of gold. -- 10.21.09

    How did Paul Reiser end up in Aliens? Did James Cameron lose a bet or something? -- 10.23.09[...]
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    Posted: October 29, 2009, 11:30pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Admit Four

    Number of comments: 0
    I have a love-hate relationship with Twitter. While I love the fact that it's easy to broadcast my thoughts (and radio show!) out there and read the thoughts of others, I hate the mob mentality of the joint. Anytime someone feels wronged by a particular brand or organization and sends' [...]
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    Posted: October 27, 2009, 11:51am EDT
    by Chag

  • Numbers

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. This week's theme was songs with numbers in the title. Here's the playlist:
    20th Century Boy by T. Rex (me)Two Tribes by Frankie Goes To Hollywood (me)867-5309/Jenny by Tommy Tutone (We're Not In Kansas Anymore, Toto)99' [...]
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    Posted: October 25, 2009, 11:55pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Week Seven

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    Cynical Dad NFL Power IndexHere are my top six teams in the NFL:
    New Orleans Saints (5-0)Indianapolis Colts (5-0)Minnesota Vikings (6-0)Denver Broncos (6-0)New England Patriots (4-2)New York Giants (5-1)Here are my picks for week seven (home teams in CAPS, Bill's picks in red):

    Chargers (-4.5) over CHIEFS
    This is' [...]
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    Posted: October 24, 2009, 10:56am EDT
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week XI

    Number of comments: 0
    Another batch:
    If people tell you Where The Wild Things Are is amazing, it's their youth talking, not their common sense. -- 10.17.09

    If I see this Black Eyed Peas DirecTV commercial one more time tonight, I'm going to scream! -- 10.17.09

    I've decided to write a musical' [...]
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    Posted: October 21, 2009, 9:24am EDT
    by Chag

  • Whip It

    Number of comments: 0
    So I took the kids shopping for their Halloween costumes this weekend. Even though she was leaning towards a trampy zombie cheerleader costume, Zoey ultimately opted for a nice, safe, Daddy-approved ladybug outfit. Zed, who's obviously caught up in the Twilight craze, is going to be a vampire. While we' [...]
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    Posted: October 19, 2009, 11:57pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Week Six

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    No commentary this week! Here are my picks for week six (home teams in CAPS, Bill's picks in red):

    BENGALS (-5) over Texans
    PACKERS (-13.5) over Lions
    Panthers (-3.5) over BUCS
    JAGS (-9.5) over Rams
    STEELERS (-14) over Browns
    VIKINGS (-3) over Ravens
    Chiefs (+6.5) over REDSKINS
    Giants (+3)' [...]
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    Posted: October 17, 2009, 11:56pm EDT
    by Chag

  • To Some Of Us He Was More Than Cyndi Lauper's Video Dad

    Number of comments: 0
    Captain Lou Albano died Wednesday. He was 76 years old.

    If you don't know who he was, Captain Lou Albano was a manager and a...

    Forget it. In order to tell you about Captain Lou Albano, I'd also have to teach you about ancient things like music videos [...]
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    Posted: October 14, 2009, 11:25pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week X

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    Light on tweets this week:
    The perfect cake for that Yankees fan in your life -- 10.09.09

    Is there a place where I can exchange Mafia family invitations for cash? I'd be a very rich man. -- 10.10.09

    You can never attend too many fall festivals. --' [...]
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    Posted: October 13, 2009, 9:43pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Mystery Creature

    Number of comments: 0
    I have always loved this thing. It stands near the Kiss Coffeehouse at Broadway at the Beach in Myrtle Beach, SC.

    [...]
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    Posted: October 12, 2009, 1:38am EDT
    by Chag

  • Songs About Time

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Show. This week's theme was songs about time. Here's the playlist:
    Time by David Bowie (me)Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper (me)What Time Is Love? by The KLF (For A Different Kind Of Girl)Time by Pink Floyd [...]
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    Posted: October 10, 2009, 11:55pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Week Five

    Number of comments: 0
    Cynical Dad NFL Power Index Here are my top six teams in the NFL:
    New Orleans Saints (4-0)Indianapolis Colts (4-0)New York Giants (4-0)Minnesota Vikings (4-0)New England Patriots (3-1)Denver Broncos (4-0)Hey! Last week, I beat Simmons for the first time this year (unfortunately, I also had my first sub .500 week [...]
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    Posted: October 09, 2009, 11:37pm EDT
    by Chag

  • The Destroyer Of Dreams Has Returned

    Number of comments: 0
    My arch-enemy has resurfaced...

    INT. NAMELESS ADVERTISING AGENCY - DAY

    A group of advertising executives sit around a big conference table.

    CHIEF ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE
    The state of North Carolina has asked us to come
    up with a new campaign to get people interested 
    in their state lottery. [...]
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    Posted: October 07, 2009, 11:45pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week IX

    Number of comments: 0
    Another spectacular batch!
    I need some kickass new tunes. Whatcha got? -- 10.01.09**

    They should make laptops that vibrate. -- 10.01.09

    Call me lame, but I'd rather read a news article online than watch a video about it. -- 10.01.09

    No offense Al, but' [...]
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    Posted: October 06, 2009, 10:55pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Hair (Not To Be Confused With My Last Post)

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    I should probably preface this entry by letting you know that my grandmother is legally blind.

    I should also probably state that while I normally only like to write about things I experience firsthand (except for the monster stuff -- I get most of that from reliable sources [...]
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    Posted: October 05, 2009, 12:30am EDT
    by Chag

  • Hair III

    Number of comments: 0
    I've made it abundantly clear on this site that I love the hair bands. On Tuesday evening, I devoted my third Nameless Twitter Radio Show to the genre. Here's the playlist:
    Hello by Celebrity Skin (me)Bathroom Wall by Faster Pussycat (me)Sex Action by L.A. Guns (me)Gypsy Road by Cinderella ([...]
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    Posted: October 04, 2009, 11:13pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Week Four

    Number of comments: 0
    Cynical Dad NFL Power Index Here are my top six teams in the NFL:
    Baltimore Ravens (3-0)
    Did you know the Ravens are averaging over 34 points a game this season? Yes, I said Ravens.

    New Orleans Saints (3-0)
    In last week's game against Buffalo, they showed they could [...]
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    Posted: October 03, 2009, 12:22am EDT
    by Chag

  • Cure Juvenile Myositis Awareness Day

    Number of comments: 0
    Today is Kevin's wife's birthday. It is also the date their daughter was diagnosed with juvenile myositis. This is their story.

    Our pediatrician admitted it early on.

    The rash on our 2-year-old daughter's cheeks, joints and legs was something he'd never seen before.

    The next doctor' [...]
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    Posted: October 02, 2009, 12:01am EDT
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week VIII

    Number of comments: 0
    Another stellar batch:
    Awesome cover of Single Ladies -- 09.25.09

    Yeah, Nickelodeon. It WOULD be nice for the kids to out and play for three hours. If it hadn't been raining for 10 straight days. -- 09.26.09

    Thank God the Disney Channel doesn't believe in [...]
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    Posted: October 01, 2009, 9:29am EDT
    by Chag

  • Off To Helsinki

    Number of comments: 0
    Every time there's a monster sighting of some sort, a small group of friends and I exchange emails about it. I like to think they're as passionate about monster hunting as I am, but sometimes I wonder if they do it to get me all excited and' [...]
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    Posted: September 30, 2009, 12:30am EDT
    by Chag

  • 1999

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. This week's theme was songs from albums that debuted in 1999. Here's the playlist:
    Sexx Laws by Beck (me)Race For The Prize by The Flaming Lips (me)Porcelain by Moby (Chunkybumble)17 Again by Eurythmics (For A [...]
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    Posted: September 26, 2009, 8:05pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Week Three

    Number of comments: 0
    Cynical Dad NFL Power IndexHere are my top six teams in the NFL:
    Baltimore Ravens (2-0)
    They'll trounce Cleveland this weekend.

    New Orleans Saints (2-0)
    Brees is on pace for 486 touchdown passes this year (slight exaggeration).

    New York Jets (2-0)
    I'm in love with this team and [...]
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    Posted: September 25, 2009, 10:01pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week VII

    Number of comments: 0
    Another batch of my totally awesome, totally amazing tweets:
    If you hate Dave Matthews Band, you need to watch this: [bit.ly] (NSFW) -- 09.17.09

    I found out today that my son is in the 4% percentile for height. If I can just keep him off the carbs, [...]
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    Posted: September 23, 2009, 9:31am EDT
    by Chag

  • One Thing About Living In Santa Carla I Never Could Stomach...

    Number of comments: 0
    I can't be the only one sick of all this vampire bullshit.

    At one time, I was a big fan of vampire lore. Hell, when I lost my virginity, The Lost Boys was playing in the background (total lie -- it was Mary Poppins). But while the vampire mythology' [...]
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    Posted: September 22, 2009, 12:03am EDT
    by Chag

  • MONSTER ALERT! MONSTER ALERT!

    Number of comments: 0
    A new monster was discovered (and killed) a few days ago.

    I think it looks like those aliens from Close Encounters, but I've been told by some people that it resembles the alien from American Dad more.

    And of course, the government scientists want us' [...]
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    Posted: September 21, 2009, 7:22am EDT
    by Chag

  • Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Week Two

    Number of comments: 0
    Cynical Dad NFL Power Index Here are my top six teams in the NFL:
    Pittsburgh Steelers (1-0)
    I've got a rule: if you're the defending Super Bowl champion, you're #1 the next season until you lose. Plus, Pittsburgh defeated a really good Tennessee team last week.

    Baltimore Ravens (1-0)[...]
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    Posted: September 20, 2009, 12:38am EDT
    by Chag

  • 1998

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. This week's theme was songs from albums released in 1998. Here's the playlist:
    Barbarella by Scott Weiland (me)(Lord, It's Hard to be Happy When You're Not) Using the Metric System by Atom & His Package (me)Daysleeper by' [...]
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    Posted: September 19, 2009, 11:35pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Review: Great Wolf Lodge

    Number of comments: 0
    Hey! I went to the Great Wolf Lodge and had a great time. Want to read about it? [...]
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    Posted: September 17, 2009, 11:56pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week VI

    Number of comments: 0
    The latest batch:
    The new Guitar Hero ad with all the Playboy playmates? GREATEST COMMERCIAL EVER. Oink, oink. -- 09.09.09

    I put way too much work into fantasy football draft prep. I should've been a statistician or something. -- 09.09.09

    Worst company name ever: Cookie Lee.' [...]
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    Posted: September 16, 2009, 9:55pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Week One

    Number of comments: 0
    Show of hands! How many people have been counting down the days and eagerly awaiting the return of the NFL?

    Yeah. I thought so.

    Show of hands! How many people have been counting down the days and eagerly awaiting the return of my weekly NFL picks column?

    [...]
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    Posted: September 10, 2009, 1:03pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Terror At The Lazy 5 Ranch III: The Helpful PSA

    Number of comments: 0
    We went back to the Lazy 5 Ranch over the weekend. They had a new attraction! This sign:



    Great advice.

    Especially if you don't feel like waking up in a bed full of feathers and fur next to something with pellet breath.

    More' [...]
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    Posted: September 09, 2009, 10:15pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week V

    Number of comments: 0
    Yeah, it's that time again. Here are a few of my more interesting tweets from the past week:
    Johnny Johnson is doing Mac commercials now? Or as some like to call him, Puddy. -- 09.02.09

    It's been awhile and I know society's standards have gone downhill, but I'm' [...]
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    Posted: September 08, 2009, 9:22pm EDT
    by Chag

  • The Cynical Dad NFL Spectacular

    Number of comments: 0
    There is only one thing I'm sure of about the upcoming NFL season: Detroit will do better than last year. With that said, here are my projected standings for the upcoming NFL season.

    American Football Conference East
    1. New England
    2. New York Jets
    3. Miami
    4. Buffalo
    [...]
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    Posted: September 07, 2009, 10:59pm EDT
    by Chag

  • 1996

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. This week's theme was songs from albums released in 1996. Here's the playlist:
    Lord Only Knows by Beck (me)
    Tahitian Moon by Porno For Pyros (me)Hey Jupiter by Tori Amos (Ramblings Of A Tired Mama)Pepper by [...]
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    Posted: September 05, 2009, 4:05pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Just Because You're The Only One That Believes Something Is True Doesn't Mean You're Crazy. It Means You're The Only Sane One.

    Number of comments: 0
    Most of the time, I call my wife around the same time every day, usually after I pick up the kids from school. Every once in awhile, I call her when there's an emergency:

    Ella: Hello?
    Me: They found a Chupacabra!
    Ella: What?
    Me: They found a Chupacabra!
    Ella: [...]
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    Posted: September 02, 2009, 11:44pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Here's the latest batch of my tweets ...

    Number of comments: 0
    Here's the latest batch of my tweets of the week:
    Raditude? Really, Rivers? -- 08.18.09

    Everclear never got enough respect. The band, not the alcohol. -- 08.18.09

    Today I officially become a stay-at-home parent. As in, I get to hang out at home while the kids are at' [...]
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    Posted: September 01, 2009, 8:27pm EDT
    by Chag

  • 50 States And Counting

    Number of comments: 0
    You know how they've been putting out new state quarters every few months? And how they put some interesting fact or motto or something about each state on its quarter (they even chronicled North Carolina's longstanding pissing contest with Ohio over the Wright Brothers (ours reads "First Flight," theirs reads' [...]
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    Posted: August 31, 2009, 12:01am EDT
    by Chag

  • Back-To-School Songs

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. I was supposed to another installment of '90s music, but a few hours before show time, I called an audible and decided to devote the show to songs about school. Here's the playlist:
    Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus' [...]
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    Posted: August 30, 2009, 4:56pm EDT
    by Chag

  • The Girl Of My Dreams

    Number of comments: 0
    I've been meaning to review the new Green Day disc since the day it came out. Since that happened over three months ago, it's kind of pointless now. I might as well review Close Encounters Of The Third Kind while I'm at it. Short review: 21st Century Breakdown is awesome!
    [...]
     | Rate | Archive
    Posted: August 27, 2009, 9:55pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Endless Summer

    One more vacation. One more ball game. One more trip to the pet store.

    Cram. Cram. Cram. Cram. Cram. Cram. Cram.

    I don't why, but I'm having a hard time sending the kids back to school this year. I don't want summer to end.

    Maybe it's the' [...]
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    Posted: August 24, 2009, 11:39pm EDT
    by Chag

  • 1995

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. This week's theme was songs from albums that debuted in 1995. Here's the playlist:
    Best Imitation Of Myself by Ben Folds Five (me)Mansize Rooster by Supergrass (me)Juke Joint Jezebel by KMFDM (All Blogged Up And Nowhere [...]
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    Posted: August 23, 2009, 10:59pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Before The Sun Sets On Summer

    Number of comments: 0
    I just robbed a grocery store, I'm going to Dizz Knee Land.

    OBAMALAND!



    I love Mike Roig's sculpture of our President. It's like a cross between a Pez dispenser and an Easter Island statue.



    All kidding aside, we're [...]
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    Posted: August 21, 2009, 12:00am EDT
    by Chag

  • Best Of Both Worlds

    Number of comments: 0
    I took the kids shopping today for new backpacks. There was only one backpack that caught Zed's eye. He pointed to it as soon as we got there.

    I wanted to make sure he had carefully weighed all his options, so I showed him the Transformers, Spiderman, Handy Mandy, [...]
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    Posted: August 19, 2009, 11:23pm EDT
    by Chag

  • It's A Wonder I Made It Out Of Middle School Alive

    Number of comments: 0
    My wife thinks this post makes me look like the world's biggest nerd AND the world's biggest psychopath. But what does she know?

    My latest post at Imperfect Parent is online. It's about my unhealthy love of office and back-to-school supplies. Check it out and let me know [...]
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    Posted: August 18, 2009, 8:28pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week III

    Number of comments: 0
    Here's the latest batch of my tweets of the week:
    Is there somewhere we can we vote against this? They're remaking Red Dawn (WOLVERINES!!!) with Tom Cruise's son in one of the roles. -- 08.10.09

    Cool Read: 8 Things in John Hughes Movies You Won’t See in Today’s Teen' [...]
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    Posted: August 17, 2009, 9:55pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Friend Collectors

    Number of comments: 0
    I have two Facebook accounts. One is for my site, which has been fun so far (I even popped my Facebook meme cherry over the weekend (damn you, Jett Superior!)).

    The second one, which I set up about six months ago, is for me. THE REAL ME. The [...]
     | Rate | Archive
    Posted: August 16, 2009, 11:32pm EDT
    by Chag

  • 1994

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. This week's theme was songs from albums released in 1994. Here's the playlist:
    March Of The Pigs by Nine Inch Nails (me)Cigarettes & Alcohol by Oasis (me)Pretty Good Year by Tori Amos (Sashalyn)Vasoline by Stone Temple [...]
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    Posted: August 15, 2009, 11:32pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Another Reason Why Myrtle Beach Is The Tackiest And Most Awesomest Place On Earth

    Number of comments: 0
    You wanted the best, you got the best! The hottest coffee in the world: KISS!







    Yeah, these are pictures from our summer vacation.

    In June.

    I really should've posted some by now.

    But I' [...]
     | Rate | Archive
    Posted: August 13, 2009, 11:42pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Say Hello To My Little Friend. No, Really. Please Say Hello To Him And Maybe He'll Leave Me The Hell Alone.

    Number of comments: 0
    Please note: The title does not refer to a machine gun or a penis. I don't have a machine gun. I do, however, have a penis but I would never refer to it as my little friend. Its name is Horatio von Pounder.

    My summer of books is' [...]
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    Posted: August 12, 2009, 12:37am EDT
    by Chag

  • Your Prayers Have Been Answered!

    Number of comments: 0
    You can now follow me on Facebook!

    You can also follow my blog on Facebook!

    And I have no idea why you'd want to do either!

    Or why I'm doing this in the first place!

    Other than all the cool kids seem to be [...]
     | Rate | Archive
    Posted: August 10, 2009, 10:32pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week II

    Number of comments: 0
    Ok. Here's the second batch of my tweets of the week:
    And to all the Sox fans who have been telling me, "Yeah, but look at our record against the Yanks"... 3 words: Check the standings. -- 08.09.09

    Imagine that! ESPN is leading off Baseball Tonight with Yankees/Sox [...]
     | Rate | Archive
    Posted: August 09, 2009, 3:35pm EDT
    by Chag

  • 1993

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. This week's theme was songs from albums released in 1993. Here's the playlist:
    Pets by Porno For Pyros (me)Fuck And Run by Liz Phair (me)All American Girl by Melissa Etheridge (Connecticut Mom)Euro-Trash Girl by Cracker ([...]
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    Posted: August 08, 2009, 11:33pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Message

    Number of comments: 0
    WII CAME TODAY STOP BEEN PLAYING ALL EVENING STOP SHOULDER AND ELBOW BEGINNING TO HURT STOP PLEASE SEND FOOD STOP [...]
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    Posted: August 05, 2009, 9:57pm EDT
    by Chag

  • The Bootlegger

    Number of comments: 0
    Last week, I had the privilege of completing a four-hour roundtrip journey to four supermarkets just to secure thirteen bottles of juice. Such is the life when you have a son on a highly restricted diet.

    A few days before, I went to our regular organic grocery store to [...]
     | Rate | Archive
    Posted: August 03, 2009, 4:13pm EDT
    by Chag

  • Tweets Of The Week

    Number of comments: 0
    Because I am incredibly vain, I thought I would start digesting some of my best tweets each week. Enjoy!
    Ordered a Wii today. When it gets here, I'll probably give up blogging and tweeting for a week or so. And bathing. -- 08.02.09

    3 movies I saw for the' [...]
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    Posted: August 02, 2009, 2:51pm EDT
    by Chag

  • 1992

    Number of comments: 0
    On Tuesday night, I did another one of my Nameless Twitter Radio Shows. This week's theme was songs from albums that were released in 1992. Here's the playlist:
    Repeat (UK) by Manic Street Preachers (me)Be Aggressive by Faith No More (me)Remedy by The Black Crowes (Cool Zebras)My Lovin' (You're [...]
     | Rate | Archive
    Posted: August 01, 2009, 11:41pm EDT
    by Chag

  • An Open Letter To Ashley Tisdale

    Number of comments: 0
    Dear Ashley Tisdale--

    I see you have a new movie, Aliens In The Attic, opening today. Actually, it took several viewings of the commercial before I even realized you were in the movie. You decided not to do The Suite Life On Deck so you could concentrate on dreck [...]
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    Posted: July 31, 2009, 1:09am EDT
    by Chag

  • Ear Candy (Or Eye Candy, Depending On The Person)

    Number of comments: 0
    I need an anthem. Got one I can borrow?

    If I were 14 years younger, this would do nicely:



    Even so, I can still roll down the windows and scream along to the song.

    Midlife crisis, anyone? [...]
     | Rate | Archive
    Posted: July 29, 2009, 10:12pm EDT
    by Chag

  • An Open Letter To David Foster Wallace

    Number of comments: 0
    Dear David Foster Wallace--

    I tried.

    Really, I tried.

    But I just couldn't get into Infinite Jest.

    Maybe I'm too stupid to get it. Maybe the sheer size of the book (1,077 pages!) got to me (but I must congratulate you on writing a book I [...]
     | Rate | Archive
    Posted: July 28, 2009, 11:40pm EDT
    by Chag
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