The Bayou

• Daybreaker: "Pier" review coming to Rollover Pass

  With word from a Bayou reader that work on Texas 87 is finally complete (guess that pesky turtle finally took his act somewhere else), seems like this is as good a time as any to discuss the fate of Rollover Pass.Back in April, we posted about the Legislative debate to [...]
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  Posted: November 27, 2009, 12:06am EST
  

• Thanksgiving Daybreaker: Makin' pumpkin pie

  Just love the detail here. He's, naturally, reading a book about Texas. Got this image from three readers (h/t to Steve, Charles and C-Lo), so it MUST be funny. Right?From our dysfunctional family, to yours: Happy gobble, gobble![Click on pic to big it]TURKEYS IN THE NEWS THIS WEEKThings are tough' [...]
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  Posted: November 26, 2009, 12:12am EST
  

• BAYOU travel dispatch: You might be flyin' out of THE best airport in the land

  Y'all headin' out-of-town for Turkey Day? If so, hope you're travels take you through Houston. A remarkably non-scientific survey has ranked the largest metro airports from tops to nots.The best fly-zone in the land: Southeast Texas Regional! Alright, just joshin'. It's Houston's Bush International.A funny poll, since all airports -- [...]
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  Posted: November 25, 2009, 4:10pm EST
  

• A Bayou APB: Is the same middle-aged bald dude robbing every bank in Texas?

  Do we have to solve EVERY bank robbery in Texas?A Wells Fargo branch in Austin was hit today by a man "described as white or Hispanic, about 30 years old, 6 feet tall with a medium to heavy build, clean shaven with short dark hair."Hmm...Where have we seen that description [...]
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  Posted: November 25, 2009, 12:35pm EST
  

• When pigs fly: The Bayou Great Meat Toss of Aught Nine

  The Lady of Lard; The Grande Dame of Southern cuisine -- Paula Deen -- had a most unfortunate close encounter of the "swine" kind.Yesterday, while helping to unload Thanksgiving fixins' at an Atlanta-area food bank, Deen took a flying ham right in the ol' kisser. Reminds us of the time [...]
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  Posted: November 25, 2009, 11:34am EST
  

• Daybreaker: Forget Christmas, there's a war brewing over Black Friday

  Conn's has a great sense of timing. The Beaumont retailer came to terms with the Texas AG over a slew of allegations, including failing to honor product warranties, misleading customers about the nature of its products, false advertising and other violations of the Texas Deceptive Trade Practices Act.Nothing a $4.5 [...]
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  Posted: November 25, 2009, 12:05am EST
  

• The Beaumont dental thief speaks: And she is sad...real sad

  From the BAYOU "Captain Obvious" department:We give you this scintillating headline from the clever editors at the Dallas Morning News:"Cristal Taylor would rather be married to Dirk Nowitzki than in prison."Really? Perhaps next they'll tell us that Thanksgiving is Thursday. Simply revelatory! Anyway, the woman who -- figuratively of course' [...]
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  Posted: November 24, 2009, 12:31pm EST
  

• Zilch: What do we really know about the BISD shooting?

  A few disclaimers: this is not an indictment of Don Gordon, a 24-year veteran of the BPD now serving as a BISD cop. Gordon, by all measure, is an honorable man who served the citizens of Beaumont with distinction. This is also not about race or any other lazy label. [...]
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  Posted: November 24, 2009, 11:16am EST
  

• Daybreaker: Be thankful, Beaumont just got a little safer

  Feel that? It's safety.Every year 'round turkey day, the CQ Press releases its mammoth "safe cities" list. This way, you can give thanks if your town rates OR you can pray like the Dickens in the event you live in little Cambodia.The methodology is straight forward, take all the major' [...]
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  Posted: November 24, 2009, 12:06am EST
  

• Lost and Found: Dear ol' dad was a serial killer?

  From the BAYOU "Things to be Thankful For" department:Think your life sucks? Try this guy's life on for size.Matthew Roberts, a DJ living in Los Angeles, was adopted. Like many, he was curious about his biological parents. Who were they? What did they look like? Did he share any family [...]
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  Posted: November 23, 2009, 2:20pm EST
  

• Hot for "substitute" teacher: Should Texas districts outsource?

  Y'all are a well informed bunch, so you obviously heard about the BISD substitute that was arrested for drug possession "consistent with distribution." Obviously, substitute teaching doesn't pay the big bucks.But consulting does.Over in La Marque, they're working to raise the standards of their fill-in teachers. Instead of doing all' [...]
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  Posted: November 23, 2009, 11:47am EST
  

• Daybreaker: Should a 15-year-old Port Arthur kid be tried as an adult?

  Maybe it's the holiday season talking; what with all this supposed good cheer going around. Perhaps it's because so many recent Southeast Texas kid touchers have received such relatively light sentences, but this one bothers us.It's the recent news that 15-year-old Da'Quan O'Neal Zeno will be tried as an adult.Zeno [...]
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  Posted: November 23, 2009, 12:36am EST
  

• Bayou pic of the weekend: The Great State of "Taxes"

  Made in America? Hope not. [Thanks RJ!] [...]
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  Posted: November 22, 2009, 4:18am EST
  

• Daybreaker: Eat, be merry and drink...and drink

  With the "official" start to the holiday season just a few days away, we have but one suggestion: DRINK!Drink as much as you can. Funnel, keg stand, shotgun; do whatever it takes. Raise a glass or twelve at this festive time of year. It's good for you. Really, it is. [...]
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  Posted: November 21, 2009, 12:06am EST
  

• Let her eat cake: George Forman's kid blames Texas car accident on dessert

  From the BAYOU "sugar rush" department:It's true! All of George Foreman's kids are named George. And if the actions of one are any indication, he better start sellin' more of those cheap-o grills.One of his daughters, Freeda George Foreman, spent the early morning hours of Halloween night crashing her car' [...]
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  Posted: November 20, 2009, 2:47pm EST
  

• Bayou video of the day: More SETX UFO shenanigans

  In recent weeks, Friday has become the day we typically bring you some Texas "tales from beyond." We've never had the honor of a close encounter, but extra-terrestrials must be a lot like Lindsay Lohan: they both love the camera (and are unnaturally skinny).Perhaps we should spend more time out' [...]
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  Posted: November 20, 2009, 9:57am EST
  

• Daybreaker: PILLOW FIGHT! Did you see the big "Doc" Thomas interview?

  Last time Carrol Thomas sat down with the press, it was like a commercial for the mutual admiration society.On Wednesday, we were hoping for some change as "Doc" Thomas sat down for a much hyped one-on-one interview with FOX4. Sadly, the mano-a-mano between Thomas and Angel San Juan was like [...]
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  Posted: November 20, 2009, 12:09am EST
  

• Skin deep: More Texas school fashion fun

  Texas must lead the nation in school dress code violations. Another week, another scholastic fashion faux-pas. This time, a middle school student at the Mesquite ISD was sent home for wearing "skinny jeans."Seth Chamlee was given a choice: go home or change into pre-approved, regulation slacks (by the way, we [...]
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  Posted: November 19, 2009, 3:07pm EST
  

• Slip slidin' away: It's raining lawsuits at area Wal-Marts

  We think by now, we can make an unassailable assumption: local Wal-Mart stores can kill you.The proof is in the curiously large number of lawsuits filed against the retailer. And we're not just talking about one particular store, it's all of 'em.Just this week, we've got two more Wal-Mart personal' [...]
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  Posted: November 19, 2009, 11:26am EST
  

• Daybreaker: Till death do us part? In Texas, that may be sooner then you think

  The $8,000 you plunked down on a rubber chicken dinner and egocentric DJ might have all been for naught.Think you're married? Think again.A Houston lawyer says that a clause in a 2005 constitutional amendment, designed to ban gay marriages, actually nullifies ALL of 'em (even yours)."The amendment, approved by the" [...]
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  Posted: November 19, 2009, 12:04am EST
  

• Man maids: Ike gives one Texan some naked inspiration

  Leave it to an entrepreneurial Texan to come up with a new twist on an old profession. An idea, he says, that was born out of the path of destruction waged by Hurricane Ike. How he arrived at this conclusion is beyond us.Would you be interested in having a man [...]
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  Posted: November 18, 2009, 1:16pm EST
  

• After further "review": BPD offers a solution that doesn't really solve anything

  After roughing up Derrick Newman, the Beaumont PD still has an image problem. The not-so happy ending of the massage parlor sex sting doesn't help either.To that end, Chief Coffin met with the Beaumont City Council to revisit the idea of creating a citizens' review board -- an entity that [...]
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  Posted: November 18, 2009, 10:28am EST
  

• Daybreaker: Snuggies get personal in Nederland

  Have we got the perfect holiday gift suggestion for you: a Snuggie! You know, the fleece blanket with sleeves. Everyone with any sense of style is wearing 'em. They look like cheap Gregorian robes. They keep you warm, while allowing you to still operate heavy machinery.Oh how clever!We've written about [...]
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  Posted: November 18, 2009, 12:08am EST
  

• 'Tis the season for giving thanks: Remember World Toilet Day

  Years ago, we had a friend who was looking for a home out in the San Francisco Bay Area. He was floored by the prices, and mentioned that he had looked at a $700K house that had -- get this -- 3 bedrooms and no bathrooms.Guess those are extra in [...]
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  Posted: November 17, 2009, 2:31pm EST
  

• Happy, Merry and all that: Is hatin' Christmas a "Hate Crime?"

  Folks used to wait until after Thanksgiving. Now, it's a race to see who can get 'em up first. We're talking about holiday decorations.In a non-scientific drive around our 'hood this past weekend, we spotted several gingerbread men (those on the left are way creepy), candy canes and photogasmic holiday' [...]
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  Posted: November 17, 2009, 10:58am EST
  

• Daybreaker: What's goin' on in Buna?

  Is there anything bigger than Southeast Texas playoff football? Not much. So when Buna suits up to battle Newton this Friday, it should be your typical mid-November frenzy. With one exception: allegations of assault have surfaced against two Buna players.According to KBMT-TV reports:"Two members of the Buna High School Cougar" [...]
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  Posted: November 17, 2009, 12:05am EST
  

• Bayou pic of the day: King Jim

  Coming to a local parade/event near you. Every "king" needs a Lion King throne. We guess. This is local radio jock and TV host, Jim King, taking his name way too literally. This pic -- which was sent in an email labeled "highly important" -- came with the following description: [...]
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  Posted: November 16, 2009, 11:05am EST
  

• Daybreaker: BISD administrator harnesses the power of email

  The BISD had a rough week; nothing new there.What is relatively new is the spunk on display from a member of the BISD administration. In response to an unflattering story in this week's Examiner, BISD spokeswoman and special assistant to the Superintendent, Jessie Haynes, decided enough was enough.She penned a [...]
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  Posted: November 16, 2009, 12:03am EST
  

• Bayou pic of the weekend: Nosy neighbor

  (Thanks Charles) [...]
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  Posted: November 15, 2009, 12:33am EST
  

• Bayou video of the day: Remember that waterlogged Bugatti? Here's video of the crash

  Where's the pelican? This is video of that hapless Bugatti, crashing into a saltwater lagoon. It looks genuine, although capturing this on film required an amazing degree of cosmic confluence. That's $2 million in high-end automotive engineering splashing into the drink.The Lufkin man who owned this car, Andy House, owns [...]
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  Posted: November 14, 2009, 12:01am EST
  

• It "fingers": The Beaumont "blinker police"

  From the BAYOU "Cease and Desist" department:Have you seen these people?We'll set the scene: A friend of ours is driving today over in Beaumont's west side; down Folsom, towards Dowlen. He slides into another lane, without using his turn signal. Actually, he tells us he never signals. That's just how' [...]
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  Posted: November 13, 2009, 12:09pm EST
  

• Holy hooters! Would you fake cancer for a free boob job?

  Yesterday, we learned from former Miss California, Carrie Prejean, that the Bible is just fine with breast implants.We'll add a Texas twist to this whole augmentation thing. We're wondering if the Good Book is copacetic with faking a serious health issue to collect donations in an effort to purchase said [...]
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  Posted: November 13, 2009, 10:21am EST
  

• The Bayou Question of the Day: BISD Board member asks, "what are we doing here?"

  It never stops.A few weeks back, we opined that the BISD Board has finally grown some stones when they rejected a few of "Doc" Thomas's personnel suggestions. Who were they? At the time, no one knew. It was a closed session. Those names are now out."At the October board meeting," [...]
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  Posted: November 13, 2009, 9:07am EST
  

• Daybreaker: Hope our refiners can handle cow crap

  We should just make the transition today.Dump oil and move towards cow sh!t. That's what some dairies out in California are doing, capturing the methane in cow manure and using it as an alternative energy source. Why not? A farm out in Bakersfield has 2,600 cows producing about 130 tons' [...]
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  Posted: November 13, 2009, 12:16am EST
  

• Our loss? Bob Knight's Beaumont appearance can kiss our a**

  We were so looking forward to hearing legendary coach, Bob Knight, yell at an audience for an hour. Unfortunately, like many things 'round here, the event has been "postponed."According to the SETX Mavericks, the timing just wasn't right so they've cancelled his scheduled November 16th appearance."There were several things conflicting'" [...]
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  Posted: November 12, 2009, 2:46pm EST
  

• We'll take word association for $1000: Lufkin, $2 million car, pelican, lagoon

  What is completely unbelievable that without video we'd never believe it?God bless the dude who snapped this footage.This a sentence we never imagined we'd pen: A man from Lufkin drove his $2 million Bugatti Veyron into a saltwater lagoon outside Galveston after saying he was distracted by a pelican.The pelican/lagoon [...]
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  Posted: November 12, 2009, 10:55am EST
  

• We don't: The city of Beaumont is a crappy wedding planner

  What happens when you expect the City of Beaumont to double as your wedding planner?Your glorious reception gets swallowed up by Glenn Beck acolytes, holding a rally to protest the socialization of Beck's now defunct appendix.Patricia Sam, and her betrothed, had plans for a spectacular Fall wedding at Roger's Park. [...]
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  Posted: November 12, 2009, 9:37am EST
  

• Daybreaker: Does the latest BISD mess brings us some answers?

  Another week, another BISD clusterfudge. This time, allegations that the electrical contractor hired by the district to work at several temporary campuses falsified his application for a master electrician's license."The Texas Department of Licensing and Regulation found that Calvin Walker, owner of Walker's Electric Co. in Beaumont, falsified a portion" [...]
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  Posted: November 12, 2009, 12:06am EST
  

• Vacancy: Jefferson County underperforms in the crime department

  Anyone in the market for a jail? Jefferson County's economic health is at stake.Alright, perhaps that's a teensy exaggeration. Still, we could use the money. This past summer, there were rumblings of a prisoner transfer agreement between Harris and Jefferson County. We had the space in the 400-bed downtown facility, [...]
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  Posted: November 11, 2009, 3:02pm EST
  

• Bayou pic of the day: Bathroom break in Jasper

  When nature calls... Spotted at the Jasper County Junior Livestock Arena; even a Gator needs a little bathroom time.[Photo by Steve W Stewart, KJAS] [...]
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  Posted: November 11, 2009, 12:15pm EST
  

• We've replaced your heart doctor with a fast food chain: Let's see if people notice the difference

  From the BAYOU "urban renewal" department:Southeast Texas Cardiology Associates is moving. Their former digs, on 11th and North Street in Beaumont, are being vacated. Who will replace these dogged heart docs? In an irony too rich for our blood, fast food chain -- Jack-in-the-Box -- has proposed a restaurant in [...]
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  Posted: November 11, 2009, 10:39am EST
  

• Daybreaker: If you build it in Beaumont, will former NFL players come?

  There are some abject truisms about life in Southeast Texas: the bugs are big, the weather is hot and football is life (just ask PN-G fan).Decades ago, Southeast Texas was a football mecca. The yellowed copies of old newspapers are littered with names of high school stars who would later [...]
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  Posted: November 11, 2009, 12:04am EST
  

• Gut bustin': What do the Japanese and a Texas rep. have in common?

  Rep. Pete Sessions does a fine job of routinely making himself look like a tool, but he outdid himself last Friday. In a House Rules Committee meeting, Sessions defended the practice of insurance companies discriminating against women by comparing gender differences to smokers and non-smokers.Which is funny (sad, not ha-ha), [...]
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  Posted: November 10, 2009, 12:44pm EST
  

• Bayou pic of the day: Adventures in local advertising

  From today's Enterprise. Much like the actions that created the kid, would you consider this an impulse purchase OR is this a holiday gift for that special someone? [...]
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  Posted: November 10, 2009, 10:54am EST
  

• Daybreaker: Soccer hooligans! Punching on the pitch up in East Texas

  Texas cheerleaders have been doing this kind of thing for years. We refer, of course, to hazing; like that incident that occurred up in Katy last year.Back in 2003, an Illinois girls football initiation sent five girls to the hospital, one with a pig intestine around her neck. Gross, but [...]
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  Posted: November 10, 2009, 12:04am EST
  

• H-town man confirms the obvious: The Springer show is real

  We had the pleasure of meeting one of the great talk show hosts in the history of modern television, Maury Povich. We hired him to speak at a media mixer we organized, and when we were asked to bring in a speaker who embodied the best in TV -- we [...]
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  Posted: November 09, 2009, 1:49pm EST
  

• 666 reasons not to get inked: East Texas teacher refuses to bear the "mark of the beast"

  From the BAYOU "Devil Made Me Do it" Department:THIS is one of the reasons we LOVE living in Beaumont. For sheer entertainment value, the court cases that come through here are second-to-none. As a matter of fact, they should install stadium seating and sell concessions.Take this fine example of jurisprudence.A [...]
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  Posted: November 09, 2009, 10:49am EST
  

• Daybreaker: Lawsuits fly in the even curiouser case of Kevin LaDay

  Does this mean Quanell and his merry band of opportunists will be making another Southeast Texas visit? If so, we'll bring the snacks!A Hardin County grand jury met Thurday and voted to "no bill" the Lumberton PD officers involved in the LaDay debacle. The jurors not only saw the original' [...]
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  Posted: November 09, 2009, 12:09am EST
  

• SundayBreaker: Don't want to actually kill the deer? Use a grenade launcher instead

  Deer season opened yesterday. For those that find shooting lil' Bambi far too difficult, Taser offers you another option. You'll just have to wait until next year, and work for the Department of Defense. No sweat, right?Now in the final stages of development (for the Pentagon, of course), comes a [...]
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  Posted: November 08, 2009, 12:22am EST
  

• Daybreaker: An auspicious beginning for Lamar Football?

  LU has a scrimmage coming up on Monday. Wonder how many fans will be sporting these on-of-a-kind t-shirts? We'd love to get one.[Click it to big it]According to the reader who sent in the photo, LU donated these to a local child welfare agency (kudos to them), but not before' [...]
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  Posted: November 07, 2009, 12:07am EST
  

• Only in Texas: Aggie to provide Martian weather updates

  We've got some vacation time coming, and were thinking of staying stateside. But with this news perhaps we'll take a longer journey, we just might have to beef up our winter wardrobe.Texas A&M researcher, Istvan Szunyogh, just received a NASA grant to both study and FORECAST the weather on Mars. [...]
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  Posted: November 06, 2009, 4:47pm EST
  

• Death to all fanatics: Local Muslims sure picked the wrong week to promote expansion

  Holy bad timing, Batman!This was the absolute wrong week for the local Islamic Society to announce their plans for building expansion. The center, which is out off Highway 69 in Beaumont, is bursting at the seams. Once home to a few hundred members, the Islamic Society of the Triplex is [...]
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  Posted: November 06, 2009, 10:35am EST
  

• Daybreaker: Over in Groves, we find death on layaway

  Respectfully submitted by a friend of the Bayou. This sign is up over in Groves, where it seems folks -- literally -- can't afford to die. Someone's gotta compete with Wal-Mart, with their discount caskets and all. The 24-month no interest deal is great and all, but if you're already' [...]
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  Posted: November 06, 2009, 12:05am EST
  

• Hello?!!? Jasper County case begs the question, 'how old is old enough?'

  So some dirty ol' man sent vulgar text messages to a 12-year-old Evadale girl. Say it with us: Ewwwwwwwwwww! In a recent sting operation, Jasper County deputies bagged a 24-year-old perv who was sending pics of his nether parts to this 6th/7th grader.According to reports, the girl's mother discovered the' [...]
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  Posted: November 05, 2009, 1:18pm EST
  

• Fightin' shape: Military might? Um, no

  Our nation is under attack, and we're all in grave danger. Not from terrorists, rogue dictators or liberals. We're at war...with Twinkies.And pasta carbonara and video games and high school dropouts and crack and Burger King. And if we don't emerge victorious, our very way of life will go the' [...]
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  Posted: November 05, 2009, 10:46am EST
  

• Daybreaker: Is Beaumont getting a pro football team?

  When will these people learn? With a revolving door of semi-pro sports teams, a sports mecca we're not.The latest Sporting News rankings of the "Best Sports Towns in America" ranks Beaumont in the middle-of-the-pack at #193. Makes you wonder just how bad Auburn, New York is, which brought up the' [...]
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  Posted: November 05, 2009, 12:07am EST
  

• Bayou video of the day: Fright night UFO invades East Texas

  We don't get nearly enough UFOs down here. Bigfoot maybe, but UFOs? You'd think with all the chemical fumes, we'd see more of that supernatural stuff. Not so up in East Texas. They're EVERYWHERE -- so much so, that the local TV station appears to have designed a special graphic [...]
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  Posted: November 04, 2009, 1:35pm EST
  

• Dispatch from Port Arthur: Redneck remodel

  From a friend of the Bayou. Truck, meet house. House, this is truck. Now that we're all acquainted...' [...]
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  Posted: November 04, 2009, 10:57am EST
  

• Daybreaker: Facebook + blackface = Cowboy-sized FAIL

  Do people not understand the destructive power of "The Facebook?" When you sport the IQ of a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader (or SETX news anchor), perhaps these things are lost on you.21-year-old Whitney Isleib, a Cowboy pom-pom shaker from nearby Friendswood, decided to dress as rapper Lil' Wayne for Halloween. Looking' [...]
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  Posted: November 04, 2009, 12:05am EST
  

• Bayou video of the day: Ribbit! East Texas woman finds a surprise in her greens

  At least it wasn't a rat head. You know what they say: frogs taste like chicken. Enjoy that salad tonight.' [...]
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  Posted: November 03, 2009, 5:11pm EST
  

• Bayou action shots of the day: Latest Beaumont bank robber looks like he's lost a few pounds

  Very clever. This guy donned the "average height Hispanic" guy disguise, complete with forgettable blue button down shirt. And those sun glasses, way incognito. The Beaumont PD is on the hunt for this fella (described as "a hispanic man about 5 feet, 10 inches tall"), who held up the Wells [...]
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  Posted: November 03, 2009, 1:04pm EST
  

• Wiggin' out: Area girl boy suspended over hair piece

  A Houston-area high school senior says he, or maybe it's she, is being discriminated against 'cause she, there we go again, HE likes to dress as a girl.O’Rhonde Chapman, 17, (Pictured left via KHOU-TV) was born with all of the parts normally associated with boys, but doesn't feel all that [...]
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  Posted: November 03, 2009, 10:53am EST
  

• Don't forget to vote! The real SETX election day fireworks will have to wait

  This Election Day is about as exciting as a petting zoo full of stuffed animals.After last year's messianic call to the throne, 11 constitutional amendments feels like a let down. Eminent domain and open beaches aren't as glamorous as New York's 23rd, which if you've not heard, will decide the [...]
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  Posted: November 03, 2009, 8:58am EST
  

• Daybreaker: Is bad driving genetic?

  If there is anything to be learned from the Bayou, it is that all things can be explained through science. Unless, of course, they cannot. In that case, just grab your horoscope and give up.To wit: bad driving. It's epidemic in some parts 'round here (mainly those damn 18-wheeler accidents' [...]
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  Posted: November 03, 2009, 12:03am EST
  

• Cash back on education: Our "own" David Bradley charters an investment course

  Not sure which is more frightening. The fact that the Texas SBOE -- with all of their recent ethics issues and allegations -- oversees a $22 BILLION investment fund OR that our very own David Bradley thinks that investing some of, well, our money in charter schools is a bright [...]
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  Posted: November 02, 2009, 12:31pm EST
  

• Pissing contest: Texas and Cali battle with top 10 lists

  Home to low(er) taxes and more Fortune 500 companies than any other state, Texas -- despite the rising unemployment numbers -- is still in growth mode.Awash in red ink, with a Governor that speaks broken English and a major industry that awards golden statuettes, California begins a new "loan" program [...]
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  Posted: November 02, 2009, 11:01am EST
  

• Daybreaker: If it lasts more than 4 hours, Texas can help

  Good luck finding a health agency in Southeast Texas that has the pig flu vaccine, but that doesn't mean Texas medical know-how can't solve the "hard" problems.Y'all know Lone Star ingenuity discovered the secret benefits of watermelon. Now, a group of researchers have figured out how to reverse those effects.' [...]
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  Posted: November 02, 2009, 12:07am EST
  

• BAYOU Sunday classifieds: BISD outerwear

  We were so blinded by "Doc" Thomas's most recent "Nuggets" entry, that we missed this. Thanks to Bayou reader, Vick, for spotting this curious classified ad.Amongst the listings for Boy Scout popcorn, used generators and a 13" color television is this item:* * * * *Full-length ranch fur coat. Paid$10,000," [...]
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  Posted: November 01, 2009, 1:29am EDT
  

• Bayou pic of the day: Why dogs hate Halloween

  The pooch knows how to do Halloween in style. Trick or treat, y'all! (Thanks Charles!)[Click it to big it]' [...]
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  Posted: October 31, 2009, 10:07am EDT
  

• Daybreaker: Old timey, sexist Port Arthur

  We miss the good old days, when men were obnoxious and women were servile. Yeah, you're right, not much has changed.From the Texas Bar website: Say What?!!?! comes this letter, written by an attorney in 1927 to "an apparently wayward wife in Port Arthur, Texas."* * * *"To Mrs. E.'" [...]
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  Posted: October 31, 2009, 12:17am EDT
  

• Bayou video of the day: No bull for this LIT student

  The mechanical bull didn't buck for this Lamar Institute of Technology student. It just kinda bent forward. Still, Kristen Riley did her best "Urban Cowboy" imitation. She obviously has a great sense of humor, since she is allowing this to appear on America's Funniest Home Videos. Giddy up, cowgirl!' [...]
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  Posted: October 30, 2009, 12:47pm EDT
  

• Tec-9 Wine: And you thought gun owners were beer drinkers

  The word of the day, kids, is DIVERSIFICATION. Tough economic times, so everyone is branching out. Wal-Mart sells caskets, so why shouldn't the NRA get into the wine business. Not only does the Second Amendment ensure us the "right to bear arms," but it also allows us to get freakin' [...]
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  Posted: October 30, 2009, 10:46am EDT
  

• Daybreaker: Are things like this to blame for slow goin' on the South Park decision?

  No wonder it's taking Judge Wortham half the year to rule on the BISD/South Park imbroglio. Not with cases like this taking away his attention.With the fate of the old South Park High School hanging in the balance, Wortham -- instead -- has to play the role of detention clerk [...]
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  Posted: October 30, 2009, 12:08am EDT
  

• Birds, bees and videos: It's Texas, of course you can show your kids porn

  We're not quite twisted enough to come up with this one on our own. Texas has all kinds of strange laws and statutes.Um, for instance, you can't urinate on the Alamo. It's true. Or, everyone knows it is verboten to milk another man's cow (as it should be). And today [...]
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  Posted: October 29, 2009, 1:13pm EDT
  

• A-tisket, a-casket: Wal-Mart enters the death biz

  An eagle-eyed Bayou reader spotted this great new retailing trend.Our eternal big-box store, Wal-Mart, has entered the death business. They've begun selling caskets and urns online. And just in time for Halloween!"Prices range from $999 for models like "Dad Remembered" and "Mom Remembered" steel caskets to the mid-level $1,699 "Executive' [...]
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  Posted: October 29, 2009, 9:16am EDT
  

• Daybreaker: BISD's Thomas tells y'all who's boss

  No need to ridicule "Doc" Thomas's latest "nuggets" column (well, maybe just a smidge). Matter of fact, it is quite straightforward; no squirrels or attacks on alleged media misinformation. Instead, he shows us how adept he is at using the ol' Google machine, regaling the reader with a history of' [...]
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  Posted: October 29, 2009, 12:08am EDT
  

• It's a bird...it's a plane...: It's a Chupacabra in Southeast Texas

  This news item does it all: consults the Internet for facts, allows an ordinary citizen to give "expert" advice on a mythical creature of legend and sensationalizes a story about a hairless, dead coyote. This is the kind of stuff that should easily command 2-minutes of your nightly newscast. We're' [...]
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  Posted: October 28, 2009, 4:51pm EDT
  

• Marrying for love? Suckers! THIS is the secret to a long marriage

  Mick Jagger's ex, Texan Jerry Hall, seems to know what she's talking about. Men, she says, go for younger women 'cause they fear death. Maybe true, but she's also stumbled onto the secret for a long, successful marriage. Notice we didn't say happy.A new study gives us the secret to [...]
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  Posted: October 28, 2009, 1:09pm EDT
  

• What do Obama's kids and Texas inmates have in common? They're both gettin' shot

  Phew! Now that Sasha, Maliah and the inmates at the Beaumont HIV unit have gotten their Swine Flu shot, we feel SO much better.With the pig flu shot arriving by pony express and the seasonal flu vaccine supply dwindling, you'd think our government would have made allowances for such a' [...]
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  Posted: October 28, 2009, 10:32am EDT
  

• Daybreaker: Yet another thing from the Gulf that can kill you

  We live on the shores of a giant petri dish. Our beloved Gulf is home to a "dead zone", flesh-eating bacteria and -- now -- deadly shellfish.The big, bad -- and up until recently -- useless, FDA says it will ban the sale of Gulf oysters, unless they are treated [...]
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  Posted: October 28, 2009, 12:06am EDT
  

• Plastic power: Oil into plastic and back into oil...energy crisis solved

  Talk about recycling. This is the greatest thing since that Jesus fellow turned water-into-wine. The energy problem is SOLVED! A new process has been created that turns PLASTIC back into its elemental form...OIL. No more drilling, no more wars in Iraq. All we have to do is get rid of [...]
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  Posted: October 27, 2009, 2:30pm EDT
  

• Racist cookies: Creole has a whole 'nother meaning

  The PC-police are out in full force "down under."Coles, a cookie manufacturer, is under fire for producing -- what critics call -- a racist cookie. Their offensively -- and stupidly -- monikered "Creole Creams" have angered minority groups in Australia who claim the term "Creole" comes "from a period when" [...]
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  Posted: October 27, 2009, 11:30am EDT
  

• Daybreaker: Is SETX Regional Airport getting smaller?

  Is the useless much-maligned Southeast Texas airport getting smaller? Could be.Yesterday, Jefferson County Commissioners gave the thumbs up to amend an agreement that prohibited any city from annexing airport property.In English? Jump for joy if you live in Nederland. It's the "great Mid-County land grab!"Not exactly, but if approved, Nederland [...]
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  Posted: October 27, 2009, 1:04am EDT
  

• What's in a name? Texan asks employees to "Americanize" their names

  This is what happens when we let Texans venture too far from home. Larry Whitten, a hotelier from Abilene, had turned around many a failing property. He had a system.One of his methods was to get ALL employees to Anglicize their names, leaving not a shred of ethnicity behind. He [...]
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  Posted: October 26, 2009, 12:47pm EDT
  

• Buzzzzzzz: Port Neches bee attack raises questions

  Now we have some sort of "bee"spiracy.We can imagine this appearing on some TV news magazine show: are bees getting more aggressive? Do those sweet honey bees that pollinate your petunias, now have eyes for you? Someone needs to tell Ann Curry to put a sock in it.C'mon, these are' [...]
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  Posted: October 26, 2009, 10:56am EDT
  

• Daybreaker: Texas woman invokes lawsuit against invocation

  This has happened before. For starters, both here and here. It also reminds us of this not-so distant Beaumont flap.Now, a Houston woman -- Kay Staley -- filed a federal lawsuit last week to end prayer at city council meetings. Staley's lawyer claims that the invocation "violates the first amendment" [...]
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  Posted: October 26, 2009, 12:06am EDT
  

• SundayBreaker: BISD's Thomas speaks, we re-post

  Did you see this? It aired on Friday night. LIES! ALL LIES!Hmmm...those must be some soft costs. Lies, right? Actually, a lie is an intentional distortion of the truth. Someone must be distorting, but who? Then again, what do "Mr. and Mrs. Beaumont" know about construction, anyway?[Click on pic to [...]
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  Posted: October 25, 2009, 12:04am EDT
  

• Daybreaker: Texas cops issuing tickets for "not-speaking English"

  The wussies over at the Dallas Morning News disabled comments for this story. We won't, so feel free to get your money's worth.Back on October 2, rookie cop Gary Bromley pulled over Ernestina Mondragon. She figured she was getting snagged for an illegal u-turn, instead Bromley issued her a citation' [...]
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  Posted: October 24, 2009, 12:07am EDT
  

• Bayou annals of stupid retailing: Do your job, get a pink slip

  Only Wal-Mart could fire a "loss prevention officer" for preventing, um, loss.It seems Josh Rutner, an employee at an Orlando-area Wal-Mart, fell victim to the retailer's "no chase" policy. All you potential robbers out there, listen up: if you can get out the door of a Wal-Mart with anything, it's [...]
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  Posted: October 23, 2009, 11:35am EDT
  

• Let's blog it out: Texas school district adopts anti-blogger media policy

  As dissent grows, might this be the wave of the future?The Lewisville (Texas) ISD has instituted a new press policy, one that many say is a direct effort to squelch us harmless ol' bloggers. While the changes don't impact parental information or public information requests, they do affect who the [...]
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  Posted: October 23, 2009, 10:19am EDT
  

• Daybreaker: Grab a paper bag, Texas has got a case of the uglies

  What do you get when you combine very little research with a no-name web site? A list even a Gator can love. There is no discernible criteria here, just 9 cities with butt-ugly men -- including two Texas towns where the gentlemen are not-so gentle on the eyes.Some website no [...]
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  Posted: October 23, 2009, 12:09am EDT
  

• We're #1: And we should all be ashamed

  We'll get back to the lighter stuff in a bit, but this just pissed us off. And it should tick most of y'all off, too.A report released by a child welfare organization called Every Child Matters, chronicles child abuse and neglect deaths between 2001-07. Texas overwhelmingly leads the nation, with [...]
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  Posted: October 22, 2009, 12:21pm EDT
  

• It's HOT and STORMY and OUR iPhone is RINGING...: Survey says, we're stressed

  Must be the traffic and the heat and constant threat of hurricanes -- or a combination of these . A new survey conducted by Princess Cruises (who knew?) says Southeast Texans are, like, way stressed.Houston, and its environs, checked in as the 2nd MOST stressed out metro area in America, [...]
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  Posted: October 22, 2009, 10:46am EDT
  

• Daybreaker: The "icy" Ford Park yard sale

  Sorry hockey enthusiasts and transplanted Canadians (all three of you moose lovin' hosers), we've got a hunch -- a teensy inkling -- that Jefferson County is out of the puck business. We're no fortune teller, our only skill -- and it's a questionable one at that -- is reading the' [...]
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  Posted: October 22, 2009, 12:04am EDT
  

• Wanted dead or alive: Wanna see Bon Jovi? You'll need an invite

  Some lawyers have WAY too much money.Plaintiffs lawyer W. Mark Lanier over in Houston is known for his legendary holiday bashes, and this upcoming one should be no exception. The December, he'll outdo Ford Park when he has New Jersey's own, Bon Jovi, play before hundreds of lawyerly fat cats.' [...]
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  Posted: October 21, 2009, 12:26pm EDT
  

• The whaler: The world's tackiest SUV

  For that special someone in your life that has EVERYTHING. They couldn't possibly have THIS. We give you the world's tackiest most expensive SUV: The Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition.This thing makes the Hummer look like a lawnmower. Made by the Russian armoured-car builder, RussoBaltique, this crimson tank boasts' [...]
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  Posted: October 21, 2009, 11:08am EDT
  

• Daybreaker: BISD's Thomas latest is merely "adequate"

  We now return to our weekly segment: "As Thomas turns™," a regional treasure of collected musings, witticisms and tales from our esteemed BISD superintendent.When we last left our fearless leader, he fancied himself a squirrel. Or was that a goose? It was some such woodland creature. Anyway, he's now dropped [...]
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  Posted: October 21, 2009, 12:13am EDT
  

• Bayou annals of offensive costuming: Nanu-Nanu, Mi Amigo

  Literal, for sure. But is it offensive? How would you react if you saw this at your front door?[Via KRLD-AM]Hispanic groups are all a-tizzy about this season's must have Halloween costume. Hey, it's not offensive if Target and Walgreens are selling it. Is it?Well, the retailers have since taken it [...]
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  Posted: October 20, 2009, 2:34pm EDT
  

• Stupid political tricks: We need a playoff

  Here's is that annual rite of passage, when politics and the BCS collide.For whatever reason, the current college football system irks our lawmakers. Perhaps they're all UT and Boise State fans, worried that their teams don't have the 'strength of schedule' necessary to make up ground in the computer rankings.Texas [...]
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  Posted: October 20, 2009, 12:03pm EDT
  

• Texting 1, 2: WO-S receiver drops the ball

  Southeast Texas is always a little late to the "trend" party, after all the 80's are in full bloom over at Ford Park; the Def Leppard cancellation notwithstanding.So it is no surprise that the latest techno-teen trend seems to have just arrived over in Orange. WO-S football standout and OU [...]
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  Posted: October 20, 2009, 10:29am EDT